#145: People Who Don’t Know How To Pick Their Battles!

This one is directed at every douchebag who felt compelled to e-mail  Live! with Kelly – worst title ever for a TV show – recently and complain about host Kelly Ripa’s tight dress.

The ultra perky blonde hurricane wore a body hugging “Stella McCartney miracle” dress that was so tight it caused viewers to write in before she and guest co-host Randy Jackson even started their first interview.

“We’re getting a lot of e-mails,” said Kelly in an unusual moment between host chat and a chat with Reese Witherspoon. “People keep saying it’s a nice dress but your nipples should not be showing,” she explained.

To be fair, if you watch the clip, you’ll notice Jackson check Ripa’s chest out before they even start chatting about Whitney Houston’s death the weekend before. Ripa, of course, refused to defend her fashion selection and instead chose the coward’s way out…

“It’s not nipples, it the darts of the dress.” Ripa pointed to her chest. “It’s the stiching of the dress.” As she laughed about it, she held up the pieces of paper in front of her chest. “Thank you for helping me all feel insecure.”

Insecure? Come on, Kelly! You live for the attention!

But back to my point: who really cares about any of this? Whitney Houston had just died and people were so concerned about Kelly Ripa’s breasts they felt compelled to rush to their devices and fire off an e-mail? Most people don’t even vote but they care about Ripa’s nipples?

This world is in bigger trouble than I thought…

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#160: The Terrible Return of Charlie Sheen!

He just can’t leave well enough alone.

I swore off writing about Charlie Sheen long ago, but you can’t ignore a fire that burns at the edge of your consciousness. Sheen was one of the few celebrities that was gifted enough to justify ignoring his many public failings (Robert Downey Jr. is another) but he has fallen so far so fast that I find myself endlessly fascinated by him.

His latest debacle?

He called in to TMZ Live on Thursday and started in on Two and a Half Men, saying, “I’m tired of lying. I’m tired of pretending the show doesn’t suck. I’m tired of pretending Ashton doesn’t suck. I’m tired of pretending like, they’re not completely adrift. Because when you take away the anchor of your show, you’re adrift. … These guys are like approaching salvage vessel, you know?”

Of course, he took aim at his replacement, Ashton Kutcher, albeit indirectly. “I just feel bad for him. He’s saddled with such bad writing.”

He also admitted he still watches the show that gave so much to him; quite a shock, right? “When the show was good, it was great. But now, there’s just nothing about it that’s interesting. I forget that it’s on the air. It’s kind of leaving your child behind with somebody and them not really taking very good care of it.”

Like he could ever help himself.

Image via WikipediaSeriously, Charlie, leave people alone, will you?

I suppose Sheen just couldn’t stand Whitney Houston hogging the spotlight by dying.

Sorry, Charlie, but even with Tiger Blood pumping through your veins, you can’t compete with death.

Related articles

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• Charlie Sheen SLAMS Ashton Kutcher, ‘Two and a Half Men’ (blippitt.com)
• Charlie Sheen Still Harboring Bitterness Over Two & A Half Men Feud, Says Ashton “Sucks” (perezhilton.com)

#161: The Old “Any Publicity is Good Publicity” Philosophy…

 For celebrities, it seems the easiest – and most direct – way to revive your image is to screw up.

• Fran Drescher was ridiculed for recently declaring she and her gay ex-husband Peter Marc Jacobson were drawn to each other because they both had extra-terrestrial encounters when they were younger. The never-to-be-relevant-again star insists it was a gag that was misunderstood.
• Halle Berry was urged by the L.A. County Department of Children and Family Services to undergo counselling in order to be a better parent to the child she is currently battling her ex over.
• Demi Moore was rushed to the hospital after a 911 call was placed from her home saying she had “smoked something” and was “shaking,” “semi-conscious” and “burning up.”  While some have speculated Moore abused the drug “spice,” others have suggested she inhaled nitrous oxide, laughing gas to those of us not starring in The Big Bang Theory.

The three starlets have found themselves back in the public eye for everything but their chosen vocation. And they’re not alone.

TMZ - every celebrity’s worst nightmare -  recently released these pictures of Miley Cyrus, the former apple of the Walt Disney Company’s corporate eye. Be warned: they’re not for the puritanical among you…

She was throwing a 22nd birthday party for her Aussie boyfriend in downtown LA… including a giant, penis shaped cake. Right now you’re asking yourself, “But Hook, what kind of loser allows his girlfriend to give him a giant chocolate penis cake at his very-public birthday party? That would be Liam “I swear I’m straight” Hemsworth.

I really struggled with myself over this one; “Do I release the unedited pics or not?” But since I’ve been an advocate of a cleaner media machine, I elected to take the high road.

It’s a shame Hannah Montana can’t say the same.

Don’t these people have agents to drum up projects for them? Or a team of handlers to keep them out of trouble? Or even money managers to invest their earnings so they have something to tide them over when it all comes crashing down?

of course, I originally wrote this post before the biggest celebrity train wreck in recent memory – Sheen and the Kardashians can’t even touch this one – Whitney Houston’s tragic fall from grace.

Image via Wikipedia

It was a slow burn, one that ended with what most are calling an inevitable end; the discovery of her lifeless body in a hotel bathtub.

Four floors below, at a party held in her honor, a horde of clueless morons partied on like nothing out of the ordinary had happened.

But something certainly had. To further prove my point, look to Houston’s record sales since her untimely demise.

Nielsen SoundScan has released sales data for Houston’s music for the week ending Feb. 12; consumers purchased 101,000 copies of her albums, presumably since the announcement of her death Saturday afternoon.  That’s quite the difference from the week ending Feb. 5, when 1,700 Whitney Houston albums were sold. Many more digital albums — 91,000 — were purchased than physical albums, which moved 10,000 units. (In the previous week, Houston sold 1,000 physical albums versus 500 digital albums.)

The biggest-selling album of the week was the 2000 compilation “Whitney: Greatest Hits,” which sold 64,000 units in the week ending Feb. 12, versus a mere 600 (!) the previous week.

Just think about that for a minute. Houston was declared dead Saturday afternoon; that means the majority of these sales took place between that evening and Sunday at midnight. An artist dies and people respond by purchasing their music? Did these people suddenly remember how talented Whitney was and how much they loved her work? She could have faked her death for a day and made a small fortune!

Whitney’s classic rock ‘n roll demise has drawn out dozens of washed-up celebrities from every corner of Hollywood; each of them fully aware of the demand for interviews with anyone connected to the fallen diva.

I’d like to close with a witty punchline, but I just realized this post has just drawn even more attention to a group of people who truly don’t deserve it. Even Whitney should just be left in peace.

#164: The Circus That Follows The Descent Of A Fallen Star….

Personally, I haven’t thought of her in years.

I think that goes for most of us.

But the moment Whitney Houston was found unresponsive in her hotel room at the Beverly Hilton Hotel by a member of her entourage, that all changed.

Now I can’t stop thinking about her – and the media circus that has already erupted in full force. Newscasters will praise her while their colleagues in entertainment will focus on her darker side. Stars and fellow singers, many of whom disavowed her years ago, will kiss her ass; even though it’s no longer there  be kissed.  

The surefire way to become a temporary saint in Hollywood? Die.

Houston performing "Saving All My Love for You" on the Welcome Home Heroes concert in 1991

Details are still sketchy; paramedics were called and they tried to perform CPR on her, but it did not work and she was pronounced dead at 3:55PM PST. She was to attend Clive Davis‘ annual pre-Grammy party at the Beverly Hilton Hotel Saturday night. There are reports Houston had spoken to her cousin Dionne Warwick and mother Cissy Houston just before her death about attending the party and that everything seemed fine.

The vultures at TMZ are reporting the singer’s daughter Bobbi Kristina got into an angry shouting match with police officers outside the room she was found in. According to TMZ’s “law enforcement sources” … Bobbi Kristina showed up on the 4th floor of the Beverly Hilton several hours after Whitney’s death. When officers informed her no one was allowed to see the body – she screamed, cursed and demanded to see her mother. Ultimately, she was not allowed into the room and left. Apparently Dionne Warwick also showed up later. She too was turned away by officers.

These sorts of details are going to bubble to the surface over the course of the next few days. get ready to hear “I Will Always Love You” a million times, as well. The media is already referring to Houston in the following manner: “Whitney Houston, who reigned as pop music’s queen until her majestic voice and regal image were ravaged by drug use, erratic behavior and a tumultuous marriage to singer Bobby Brown, has died. She was 48.”

All the gory details of her descent will be  in the spotlight..

• She was booed during the Soul Train Awards in 1989.
• “Sometimes it gets down to that, you know?” she told Katie Couric in 1996. “You’re not black enough for them. I don’t know. You’re not R&B enough. You’re very pop. The white audience has taken you away from them.”
• She was so startlingly thin during a 2001 Michael Jackson tribute concert that rumors spread she had died the next day. Her crude behavior and jittery appearance on Brown’s reality show was an example of her sad decline.
• Her Diane Sawyer interview, where she declared “crack is whack,” was often parodied. She dropped out of the spotlight for a few years.
•  A concert to promote a new album on Good Morning America went awry as Houston’s voice sounded ragged and off-key. She blamed an interview with Oprah for straining her voice.
• A world tour launched overseas, but that only confirmed suspicions that she had lost her treasured gift, as she failed to hit notes and left many fans unimpressed; some walked out. Canceled concert dates raised speculation that she may have been abusing drugs, but she denied those claims and said she was in great shape, blaming illness for cancellations.

If these facts upset you, then change the channel or click away for the next few days; the media and the world in general won’t be backing down anytime soon. Her music is untouchable; it will stand the test of time.

It’s her humanity – in all it’s flawed glory – that’s going to be dissected over and over.