#165: The “Wal-Martization” of The North American Department Store Scene!

 When my wife was just a wee lass in pig tails and curls her parents would take her shopping every Friday night, like clockwork.

Even now, her eyes sparkle when she recalls the vibrant colors, the in-store restaurant, the escalator (or moving stairs as she would call them as a child), etc. It wasn’t the armloads of purchases they left with that made the trip so memorable; it was the time they spent as a family.

The swag didn’t hurt, though.

Even I remember going into Simpson Sears and gorging myself on candy at a four-sided counter that seemed monstrous at the time. The clerk would weigh your purchases and hand you a little white bag filled with candy goodness. No one cared about childhood obesity or diabetes back then.  The trip was especially successful if you puked in the car on the way home.

 Sears is still around – the Simpson part has been dropped – but it just isn’t the same, to say the least. I can recall far too many casualties in the retail war that has raged for so long. 

• Towers.
• Eatons.
• S. S. Kresge Co.
• The F. W. Woolworth Company.  We always called it  Woolworth’s or Woolworth.
• Even Kmart has disappeared here in Canada!

A GLIMPSE OF THE PAST...

 I sound like an old man, but gosh darn it, you young whippersnappers reading this have no idea what you missed out on! Shopping used to be an experience; one to be savored and treasured.

What do you have now?

Wal-Mart with its bland layout and one color! oh, and if you’re lucky (!) they’ll have a McDonalds.

Walmart logo (Photo credit: Walmart Stores)

Goddamnit, I am old! I’m actually complaining about the way things used to be!

#7: BLACK FRIDAY!!!!

The name alone strikes terror into the hearts of the timid.

For those who are unwilling to die for big savings, this “holiday” signals a lockdown system in their brain that requires them to hide their car keys, avoid viewing flyers and switch the channel when commercials appear. For the timid, this day is not worth risking life and limb for a cheap television or laptop.

For the brave/crazy though, this is the day to shine. Like Jason Voorhees on a certain Friday, Black Friday is the moment they’ve waited all year for, the time to seize shopping glory at any cost.

At a Wal-Mart in Los Angeles, 20 people who were injured the Thursday before the big day, when a woman competing for prized merchandise blasted pepper spray into a crowd of her fellow crazies. Wal-Mart, of course, was the site of a Black Friday death in 2008 when a 34-year-old employee was killed trying to hold back the crowds at a Long Island location. The crazed crowd took the doors off their hinges and stormed the store. The man fell down and was trampled by over 200 people as he gasped for air.

But to some the real tragedy here was the disruption to their carefully planned shopping excursion.

Wal-Mart’s response to this senseless tragedy was to open their stores the night before and stay open all night.

That didn’t work out too well, did it?

Retailers can try to avoid a massacre, but the X-factor of human behavior will always trip them up. Regardless of the size or scope of the plan, Black Friday will always be a day filled with fear and loathing as shoppers attempt to tear each other to bits.

Happy Holidays, everyone!

Related articles

• Woman Pepper Sprays Other Shoppers at Los Angeles Wal-Mart on Black Friday (shoppingblog.com)
• 10 Injured at LA Wal-Mart Black Friday Eve (time.com)

#63: The Eradication of the Old-time Drug Store!

Once upon a time, when the air was clean and people actually said “Hello” to each other, a drug store was more than a place to get your pharmaceuticals.

So much more.

First of all, your local drug store was huge. Of course, it had to be to accommodate the wide-variety of stock you’d find; household cleaning items, clothing, cameras, you name it. They were like light years ahead of Wal-Mart, with better service to boot!

That was another thing that old-time drug stores such a distinctive flavor –  their service and character. The pharmacists had crisp, white coats of higher quality than we see today (and almost always glasses for some reason!), and most of the time you’d find a real forgotten treasure of the ages: the soda fountain!

 

When you make food and drugs accessible to the public in one place, you create a true social hub!

And people took advantage of that hub, believe me. In most small, backwater towns the drug store was the place to be. You could learn anything you wanted to know about anyone there.

And you could get a malted while getting a prescription filled.

Unfortunately, our modern world has no place for the old-time drug store where a community could gather and just “shoot the breeze”.  Instead we get cold, impersonal, corporate-owned pharmacies where we wait a half-hour for our growing list of medications prescribed by doctors on the payroll of drug companies!

I know, another uplifting post!

#69: Lines….

Is there anything worse than the tedium and frustration you experience while waiting in line?

Especially if you’re waiting for something special, the anticipation makes you want to burst out of your own skin, am I right?

It’s one thing to wait in line at the grocery store, pharmacy, bank, etc., but when you’re actually looking forward to whatever is waiting for you at the end of the line, every second is a minute, right?

I’ve spent more time than I care to measure waiting in line with hundreds of fanboys at Fan Expo Canada, and even when you’re geeking out to the max, lines are brutal on the nerves!

And this is just the line OUTSIDE!

And what about waiting in line at Wal-mart at Christmas?

 ’Tis the season to be jolly, my ass! Admit it, there have been times when you could have beaten some fellow shopper into a coma with a Tickle Me Elmo just for cutting in line or taking too long at the cashier, right?

Yep, lines rock.

Related articles

• Summer Fun, “Whales”, and Fan Expo Canada! (youvebeenhooked.wordpress.com)

Shopping Ninja Barbie and other Hot Toys for 2011

Now that Black Friday has passed across North America like a tornado of human greed and madness, the glorious holiday season is upon us.

And with it many terrible things to revel in.

Like crazy cougars rampaging through Wal-mart, their eyes glowing a bright red as they  tackle children and the elderly, anyone in the direct path of the latest sale. Or teenagers searching for cheap, crappy gifts for their parents, which the parents have paid for, of course.

Hurry, there's $1 off Twilight dolls in aisle 2 and only three grandmas in the way!

Speaking of mom and dad, ever notice how parents just have to have the latest “hot” toy for the kids? Never mind what the toy is; it could be a rock and they’d still go nuts.

Personally, I think toys should be tailored to consumer’s moods and habits. I mean, kids are being influenced by their parents anyway. Their toys should follow suit.

Here are some examples that The Hook thinks could be the hottest toys of the 2011 holiday season.

SHOPPING NINJA BARBIE – In ninja mode Barbie can fight her way through the crowd to get into Coach first.

Hey girls, with Shopping Ninja Barbie you can crush your enemies and get that outfit!

TICKLE ME SHELMO - Elmo‘s female cousin. You can tickle her anytime – all it will cost you is a weekend in Vegas and a trip to Lululemon.

SILLY BANDZ FOR THE BUSY MOM - Now Mom can use these specially constructed bands to strap the little rugrats to stationary objects while she shops.

L’il DIVAZ - Britney, Jessica, Lindsay come with matching outfits (minus undergarments, of course), hip flasks and bail money. Available with Dream House/Detox Centre and John Mayer boyfriend doll. Don’t worry girls, John Mayer will take turns dating your L’il Divaz.

The possibilities are endless. Until next time, this is The Hook imploring you, wear body armor if you’re going to hit those Midnight Holiday Madness sales.

Related Articles

• Video Barbie? What Was Mattel Thinking? (zwingliusredivivus.wordpress.com)
• Video Barbie a child pornographer’s dream? (holykaw.alltop.com)
• Video Barbie Gets FBI Warning: ‘Possible Child Pornography Production Method’ (huffingtonpost.com)