I’m back, folks! On a semi-regular basis, that is. Enjoy.
You know my philosophy, folks, embrace the terrible.
Here are some catastrophes I look forward to in the next twelve months:
1) More Kim Kardashian/Kanye West hijinks. Somehow I doubt that reproducing is going to inspire the First Couple of Drama to evolve in any way.
2) LiLo’s inevitable fate. Lindsay is either going to wind up on her back doing porn or on her back in the morgue. Sad but true. One course correction could change everything, but what are the odds she’s willing to take the high road and be that Golden Girl of Hollywood people were predicting she would be a few years ago?
3) The bacon shortage. I pray this one is empty hyperbole, but experts are still claiming we can expect a shortage and a major bump in price for a breakfast staple that has seen a major surge in popularity in the past year.
4) People that think saying “Thank you” is a sufficient substitute for an actual gratuity. I hate these people. Yes, some of them mean well, but they suck, plain and simple.
5) More Honey Boo Boo. If you haven’t seen this televised spectacle that qualifies as child abuse in my book, KEEP IT THAT WAY! Trust me, you’ll want to gouge your eyes out with a spork…
6) The next wave of reality show madness. What’s next? Real Bellmen of Niagara Falls? Hey, wait a minute…
7) The ongoing showdown between the NRA and the rest of the United States of America. I’m not politically-minded, but even I know this issue boils down to one simple fact: there are too many military-issue guns in America and innocents are paying the price. Period.
8) The next hit from Psy. You know its coming. Even if it doesn’t generate the numbers of his last one – I refuse to type those words this year – you know the initial surge will be strong.
9) More Bieber spin-offs. We’ve had the cologne, bedding, etc. What’s next? Bieber brand condoms? Like the ones his mom should have used, maybe?
10) Overblown media coverage of… well, any major event, really. I love the media, I really do. But networks like CNN have a knack for transforming a bee sting into “The Killer Swarm of 2013!” We need to demand competent coverage of valid events, people. Enough with the hysteria!
11) My daughter’s continued evolution. My little girl is growing up. It sucks. Hey, my blog, my rules.
12) More rejection letters/e-mails from publishers and agents. Oh wait a minute, this one is Hook-specific….
13) All the mistakes we’re going to make this year. And yes, there will be millions of them.
CHECK THIS OUT, FOLKS!
Jessica Stilwell started out as the face of fed-up and put-upon mothers everywhere – you can read an abridged version of her story here – but she’s come a long way, baby! You get bonus points if you got that reference, by the way.
At any rate, check out her blog, Crazy Working Mom: Diary of a mother on the brink of snapping!
Jessica is discovering her “writing voice”, one that extends beyond the scope of her first adventure. Personally, I’m enjoying watching her metamorphosis. I think you will too.