#124: Charlie Sheen’s Attempt At Redempton.

Well, this was inevitable.

After a helluva wild ride – complete with porn stars and drugs, ‘natch – Mr. Sheen is trying to recent his past declarations and stunts. He tells Rolling Stone:

“Clearly, a guy gets fired, his relationships are in the toilet, he’s off on some f****** tour, there’s nothing ‘winning’ about any of that. I mean, how does a guy who’s obviously quicksanded, how does he consider any of it a victory? I was in total denial.”

He even refuses to admit how difficult it is to stay sober….

“I mean, the s*** works. Sorry, but it works. Anyway, I don’t see what’s wrong with a few drinks. What’s your drink? Tequila? Mine’s vodka. Straight, because I’ve always said that ice is for injuries, ha ha.”

Really, Charlie? That’s the best you got? You have Tiger Blood running through those well-used veins, but you’re not man enough to stand by your actions and the ginormous PR mess they created?

Just say something like, “Yes, I can be an ass sometimes, but you know what? Its my life to mess up… So there!”

Personally, I’d give Charlie my respect once again if he came clean. But that’s just me.

Related articles

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#32: When Your Favorite TV Show Not Only Jumps The Shark…

It willingly dives right into its waiting jaws!

Here are just a few examples of once-beloved shows that decided to linger at the party long after the fun had evaporated…

• ALL IN THE FAMILY (1971-1979)
• THE ANDY GRIFFITH SHOW (1960-1968)
• THE COSBY SHOW (1984-1992)
• DALLAS (1978 -1991)
• ROSEANNE (1988-1997)

And of course, the one that started it all…

• HAPPY DAYS (1974-1984)

Arthur Fonzarelli had no idea just how much damage he was inflicting upon the television landscape when he strapped on that pair of waterskis (and leather jacket!), but the echoes of that moment still reverberate today.

 Of course, I’m referring to the new, and soon-to-be final, season of Two and a Half Men.

Until recently the spotlight has shone solely on Charlie Sheen and his oh-so-very-public meltdown. But the lawsuits have been put to rest and now that the dust has finally settled, both parties can move on with their lives. Sheen is actually starting to look relatively fit again.

The same can’t be said for the television family he left behind.

I don’t know who Ashton Kutcher has been sleeping with over at CBS (if the rumors are true, it’s apparently not Demi Moore!), but they it looks like they made a fatal error bringing him onboard a ship that was sailing fast and proud to the Land of High Ratings.

While the show’s ratings have remained higher than Sheen’s last season, longtime fans such as myself are already missing the drunken, womanizing, man-child and his keen sense of fashion. Kutcher’s Walden Schmidt is supposed to be an Internet whiz kid billionaire, but he behaves like a twelve-year-old suffering from Ritalin withdrawal. They even had his character make out with Alan’s ex-wife Judith, who is now remarried, something sure to enrage the show’s loyal fans even more.

I know it made me tune out for good, and I’ve stuck with the show through thick and thin. How many television viewers have felt the same over the years, I wonder?

Two and a Half Men mined the vast differences between its leads to produce comedy gold. Now, however, they have two leads who both appear to be lovable losers. 

It’s time to strap on the waterskis, Men.

Related articles

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A Bad Day For “The Warlock”, Or Have We All Been Punk’d?

Image via Wikipedia

It’s lonely being the Boy Who Cried Wolf – just ask Ashton Kutcher.

After years of pulling elaborate practical jokes on Hollywood buddies and the world, he now finds himself crying “I’m the new Charlie!”, but I’m not sure anyone is ready to believe him.

Yesterday, Demi’s husband tweeted the following riddle:  “What’s the square root of 6.25?”  It’s 2.5, as in Two and a Half Men, get it?

We’ll see, but for now The Hollywood Reporter, USA Today, and other celeb gossip outlets are all over this story. Just like Charlie Sheen is, I’m sure.

Can you imagine the reaction at Sober Valley Lodge when this news reached ‘ol “Tiger Blood’s” ears?

ONE FINAL SAD NOTE:

It looks like Wonder Woman’s Invisible Plane has crashed,  again.

Entertainment Weekly is reporting NBC has passed on the David E. Kelley-helmed pilot: “scuttlebutt reveals the pilot earned mixed reviews at test screenings. And then there was all the online blow back about the costume – which seemed to de-emphasize the patriotism and play up the comic’s Greek mythology. Ultimately, the wardrobe department went back to the drawing board but that didn’t seem to save the project.”

It’s just not a good day in Hollywood for some, it appears.

Oh. well everyone effected still has more money than me, so screw ‘em!

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“Winning.com” is Coming! Even More Sheen On Your Screen!

I don’t know just what he’s up to, but Charlie Sheen is crazy! Wait, I was supposed to say “crazy like a fox”, but somehow I got off-track. Oh well.

At any rate, it’s interesting to note Sheen has added material from comedian Charles Fleischer to his USTREAM Channel. I wonder if “FLEISCHER’S UNIVERSE” will be added to Charlie’s latest web invasion?

Good News! Tiger blood really works.
Moving launch up from Monday November 14th to
Tuesday March 15th 3pm (LA Time...duh)
Watch out Trolls!

That’s right folks, winning.com is coming our way!

30 Rock actor Alec Baldwin, no stranger to manic behaviour,  reached out to Charlie in an essay he did for The Huffington Post: ‘Take a nap. Get a shower … And then beg for your job back. Your fans demand it.”

‘Go on Letterman and make an apology. Sober up, Charlie. And get back on TV, if it’s not too late. Beg for America’s forgiveness. They will give it to you. P.S. Buy [Jon] Cryer a really nice car’

If Charlie is reaching out to other comics (the ones that are still speaking to him, that is!) then maybe this site is intended to compete with Will Ferrell and Adam McKay‘s hilarious site, Funny or Die.

Image via CrunchBase

Who knows how this will work out? This could be the first step to “recovery through work” program for Sheen.

I know you’re smiling and shaking your head right now, but Charlie has even launched a tour no doubt fueled by tiger blood! The two dates thus far announced are almost sold out. The Sheen moving train wreck appears to be picking up steam rather than slowing down!

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R.I.P Charlie Harper: Warner Bros. (Finally) Fires Sheen.

Charlie Harper is no more.

His portrayer,  Charlie Sheen was fired Monday from the hit sitcom Two and a Half Men by Warner Bros. Television. The action was taken after “careful consideration” and is effective immediately, the studio said in a statement. No decision has been made on the show’s future without its star, said Paul McGuire, a Warner spokesman.

It had to happen.

Sooner or later, our boy Charlie  was going to cross a line during one of his lightning-fast rants and some douchebag in a suit was going to get so pissed off they were going to push him back over the line.

In this case, it was the unemployment line. Now Charlie Sheen, who claims the general public can’t process his “greatness”, due to the tiger blood coursing through his veins, has more in common with the man on the street than he will ever admit.

Of course the man on the street doesn’t live with two “goddesses”, an entourage and have his own web show where he literally rants about anything he feels like.

In a text message to The Associated Press, Sheen responded, with the F-word and “They lose,” followed by the word “Trolls”, a word Sheen loves to use almost as much as “Winning!” Asked if he planned to sue, Sheen responded, “Big.” As for his next move, Sheen texted, “A big one.”

I think as far as the most of the world is concerned Charlie, you are a big one.

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If You Want To Commit Career Suicide Charlie, Fine, But Leave Two And A Half Men Alone!

Image via Wikipedia

Well, you’ve gone and done it now Charlie.

Just when I thought I could spend my time writing about the other terrible things unfolding in this crazy, mixed up world, you decide to fully publicly implode.

After a profanity-laced tirade during which he repeatedly bit the hand that feeds, well fed him, Sheen’s bosses did the unthinkable (At least in terms of revenue) and gave him a gift – the “Golden Network Axe”, and cancelled Two and a Half Men!

At least for the rest of the season. Had you there for a minute, right?

“Based on the totality of Charlie Sheen‘s statements, conduct and condition, CBS and Warner Bros. Television have decided to discontinue production of Two and a Half Men for the remainder of the season,” the short statement from CBS says.       

Here’s a sample of Sheen’s latest debacle on talk-radio, primarily directed at two and a Half Men creator Chuck Lorre.

“I violently hate Chaim Levine [Chuck Lorre],” he said on Thursday, calling from the Bahamas. “He’s a stupid, stupid little man and a pussy punk that I’d never want to be like. That’s me being polite,” reports TMZ. In a missive to fans, Sheen called Lorre a “contaminated little maggot,” adding, “I wish him nothing but pain in his silly travels especially if they wind up in my octagon.” The same day, he told Radar via text message that he’s poised to complete negotiations for a HBO show called Sheen’s Corner. Sheen would be paid $5 million an episode for the program where he would invite guests to ”focus on the truth and the absurd!”

What’s interesting to me is the fact that Sheen started this latest firestorm from the comfort of the Bahamas where he’s supposedly vacationing (from what?) with his ex-wife Brooke Mueller, adult film star Bree Olson and ‘nanny’ Natalie Kenly! Multiple news agencies, including Entertainment Tonight, are reporting on this foursome but the story is small potatoes compared to this latest dish.

I just don’t know how much more damage Charlie can do, but I wish he would keep it confined  to his little twisted porn paradise. Haven’t the rest of us suffered enough as a result of these celebrity train wrecks?

Image courtesy: GSI Media

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Charlie Sheen Hits Rehab! Quite A Shocker, Right?

Image via Wikipedia

It had to happen sooner or later, didn’t it?      

“Charlie Sheen has voluntarily entered an undisclosed rehabilitation center today,” spokesman Stan Rosenfield announced yesterday.

I guess he figured it worked so well for Lindsay Lohan, why not give it a shot?

After yet another bender jam-packed with drugs and porn stars, Sheen’s body finally made him an offer he couldn’t refuse – “Get help or die!”

Of course, the usual vultures came out to feast on the carcass of this story.

“He has so much porn,” adult film actress Kacey Jordan, 22, marveled to TMZ.com. “I think that’s probably all he does, is just sit there and watch porn.”  Jordan was one of five porn stars supposedly partying with Sheen during the night. But I have to disagree with her statement.

 

Every one else watches porn, Charlie orders out for porn stars to watch porn with him! 

 

For me the only enjoyable part of this tale is the chapter where the network weasels have to eat crow.       

Image via Wikipedia

 

“Due to Charlie Sheen’s decision to enter a rehabilitation center, CBS, Warner Bros. Television and executive producer Chuck Lorre are placing ‘Two and a Half Men’ on production hiatus,” a CBS statement said. “We are profoundly concerned for his health and well-being and support his decision.”

“What can we do?” one of Sheen’s CBS bosses complained, according to E! Online. “He shows up to work on time. He’s polite, and he makes us hundreds of millions of dollars.”

Exactly, as long as the Golden Goose was popping out ratings eggs, nobody at the network cared what he did. Now it’s not only come back to haunt them, it’s going to hit the bottom line.

And that they care about.

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God’s Gift To TMZ, Charlie Sheen!

This is work for Charlie, and STILL he parties? Image by Daniel Semper via Flickr

For Charlie Sheen, the roller coaster ride of fame just doesn’t seem to end. But it does look like it’s heading for a cliff.

Apparently everyone’s favorite party animal started partying Wednesday and the bash ended with an emergency run to the hospital early Thursday.

The “Two and a Half Men” star, wearing a towel over his face, was taken out of his Los Angeles home around 7 a.m. by stretcher and transported to L.A.’s Cedars-Sinai Hospital for treatment, according to TMZ.com.

Those TMZ guys are like paparazzi ninjas, aren’t they?    

His publicist, Stan Rosenfield, says Sheen was suffering from “severe abdominal pains.” But what else could he say?

Hospital tests were conducted, but no results have been made public, although the Los Angeles Times is reporting the actor has suffered a hiatal hernia.The condition occurs when a portion of diaphragm ruptures, allowing the stomach to enter it. Patients can experiences no symptoms of the developing condition until it becomes severe, at which point it is extremely painful.

I’m sure Charlie can find something to dull the pain – like a bottle of  scotch or a porn star.        

Members of Sheen’s family, including parents Martin Sheen and Janet Templeton and ex-wife Denise Richards, were at his side, according to reports.

By the way, Martin Sheen is reported to be writing a book with his other son Emilio Estevez focussing on the journey of a father and son working together in Hollywood. The jokes haven’t stopped since the announcement

And while Sheen was partying Wednesday night, his costar Jon Cryer dropped by Conan O’Brien‘s late-night talker.

“I’m checking TMZ, as I do every day, to know if I have to go to work at all,” he said.

Image via Wikipedia

 

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Stick a Fork in Two and a Half Men – It’s Almost Done.

From the moment the cameras started rolling on the pilot, CBS’ Two and a Half Men has mined Charlie Sheen‘s bad boy past and struck comedy gold. If it doesn’t go down in television history as one of the greatest sitcoms ever, it has to remembered as one of the boldest.

I honestly don’t know how they got away with some of the one-liners they’ve fired at censors, but obviously even the show’s most hardened critics have seen the charm the Men display when they’re at their best.

It may be time to stop swinging the pick axes at this comedy goldmine, though. the December 13 episode, “Chocolate Diddlers or My Puppy’s Dead” (I know, but I swear it relates to the episode), failed to ignite the laughs the show has become almost legendary for.

Not only did they start out with Jenny McCarthy in lingerie, the ep featured Courtney Thorne-Smith and Jane Lynch, who has risen to comedy fame with Fox’s Glee. I thought for sure the audience was going to go nuts when Lynch returned as Charlie’s psychiatrist, but there wasn’t even canned laughter.

So let me get this straight, I'm on Glee and your audience still isn't excited. Your problems go pretty deep, Charlie!

While they didn’t have the entire regular cast (Where’s Rose when you really need her?) there were plenty of talented guest stars to draw from and knock one out of the park. Instead, we were treated to yet another week of a drunken Charlie Harper stumbling about, moaning about being alone. Granted, some of the show’s biggest laughs have come from this subject, but Sheen looks like he isn’t acting anymore.

I honestly expected him to take a page from As Good as it Gets pull a Jack Nicholson while in the shrink’s office and scream, “Please help me stop being this way!”

But he didn’t, and the show actually suffered for it. The contrast between Charlie and Alan’s personalities – the ultimate bachelor and the devoted family man without the family – was a strong premise that people identified with, in the beginning. Now, not only are people are too preoccupied with Sheen’s public meltdowns to see anything else when they watch Two and a Half Men, the writers appear to be distracted by it too.

Sheen’s new contract guarantees him one more season. Problem is, there’s no guarantee it’ll be a funny one.

WHEN EVEN CHARLIE SHEEN LOOKS BORED WHILE IN BED WITH JENNY McCARTHY, YOU KNOW SOMETHING’S WRONG.

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