#105: When Politicians Shut Off Their Common Sense…

“It has been in the media quite a bit, but I believe it was a surprise inspection even though it was so publicized.” Niagara Falls Humane Society Executive Director Jay DesRoches after his organization conducted an inspection of scandal-plagued Niagara Falls amusement park Marineland August 23.

Some people really need to put the flask away when they speak to the media…

AND NOW… SOME FREE SWAG!!!

Mark your cyber-calendars, folks…. My first free giveaway of The Bellman Chronicles runs September 10 – 11! As part of Amazon’s KDP Select program, I get a five-day window to share my work with the world for the low, low price of absolutely nothin’!

More on this in the future, but get ready to enjoy my masterpiece for free – and be sure to tell your friends! I need reviews, people!

AND FINALLY….

 A shout-out to my newest blog buddy, Kristen Lamb and her best-selling tome, We Are Not Alone: The Writer’s Guide to Social Media. Give it a try, folks. You won’t be disappointed…

Related articles

• Marineland says no ‘major issues’ found in inspection (cbc.ca)
• Marineland cleared after inspection (metronews.ca)
• The Chickens Come Home To Roost At Marineland… (youvebeenhooked.wordpress.com)

#106: The New Demonic Duo…

Canadian rockers Avril Lavigne and Nickleback frontman Chad Kroeger are engaged to be married.

This is the musical equivalent of Satan marrying Lizzie Borden. Seriously, people hate these two individuals – at least, everyone I know does….

I wonder if this qualifies as a sign of the Apocalypse?

AND NOW… SOME FREE SWAG!!!

Mark your cyber-calendars, folks…. My first free giveaway of The Bellman Chronicles runs September 10 – 11! As part of Amazon’s KDP Select program, I get a five-day window to share my work with the world for the low, low price of absolutely nothin’!

More on this in the future, but get ready to enjoy my masterpiece for free – and be sure to tell your friends! I need reviews, people!

Related articles

• Avril Lavigne Is Engaged To Nickelback Singer Chad Kroeger (buzzfeed.com)

#109: Ninja Servers!

Is there anything worse than sitting in a restaurant – whether you’re alone or not – and suffering from hunger and loneliness?

Who hasn’t been in this scenario:

• You sit down and you’re told”you’re server will be right with you.”
• Minutes pass…
• A server shows up and hands you a menu, then disappears…
• More time passes…
• And even more…

All the while, your hunger grows… As does your frustration. If the restaurant is packed, you’ll understand – for awhile at least, but what if its dead? You have two choices…

1. Sit tight and wait, hungry and angry.
2. You can leave and still be hungry and angry!

Either way, the situation is TERRIBLE!

 

#111: The Most Terrible Invention in Human History…

Here is my pick…

Did I mention I’m a bellman? It was a dark day when they added wheels to suitcases, but now they want you to strap your rugrat to your luggage as well?

Do you know why this is a bad idea?

• You can’t see the actual child. What if they choke?
• Most suitcases are heavy enough on their own… Never mind fifty extra pounds of booger eater!
• People drop their suitcases all the time! Think about it…

Yes, this was a terribly self-indulgent post, but I figure I’m entitled…

SPEAKING OF SELF-INDULGENCE…

#112: Commercial Dead Zones….

Every city has them…. it is a shared curse.

For some, they consist of a row of buildings; some may have been restaurants, or stores at one time. And then again. And again. I’m referring of course, to those locations that just seem to house one failed business after another.

But people keep opening new businesses up in the same location anyway.

• First it was “Joe’s”: EPIC FAIL.
• Then McGee’s”: EPIC FAIL.
• Next up, “Clancy’s”: EPIC FAIL.

Get the picture?

Everyone needs a dream, but you need to have a plan to bring that dream into reality. If a single location houses dozens of failed enterprises, perhaps the problem lies in the locale as well as the entrepreneurs.

A simple realization could mean the difference between this…

And this…

Failure is.. TERRIBLE!

#125: The Return of “The Saccharine Menace”!

First The Book of Awesome was responsible for overloading my artificial joy receptors, now I’ve become aware of another “happy, happy, joy, joy” menace on the horizon….

The Care Bears are back.

Just let that sink in for a moment…

Meet the Care Bears (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Care Bears: Welcome to Care-a-Lot introduces the likes of Tenderheart Bear, Share Bear, Cheer Bear and a whole batch of other “sugary-sweet menaces” to a whole new generation of children just waiting to hug a TV in approval.

I want kids to go out and hug a tree – though not literally – rather than embrace the TV and become little “Ambassadors of Awesome”. The world is a harsh, unfeeling place at times; why do we have to put up with crap like this on top of every other modern plague Fate has unleashed recently?

Hasn’t the world suffered enough at the manicured hands of the Kardashians?

Just shoot me now, I beg of you….

Related articles

• ‘Care Bears’ return: First Look (insidetv.ew.com)
• FIRST LOOK: ‘Care Bears’ Reboot (huffingtonpost.com)

#131: When The Butter Melts Too Quickly On Your Toast!

I hate when this happens.

Don’t we suffer enough in this cold, cruel world? You butter, you pour some coffee or milk, – whatever floats your morning boat – and by the time you sit down, all you have is two pieces of bread with no surface butter! There are supposed to be rivers of buttery goodness covering that bread, gosh darn it!

Can you tell I have a terrible headache today? Hey, that’s another terrible thing!

I’m on a roll…

#139: Ninja Veggies!

These are the vegetables that hide underneath other foods on your plate.

If you’re like me, you eat all your veggies first so you can concentrate on – and enjoy – the meat and potatoes. To be honest, I mostly enjoy the meat.

No jokes!

At any rate, I hate it when I polish off the vegetables, lift up the meat to dig in… and discover a few stragglers!

That really BURNS me up! And no, I’m not twelve-years-old, I just really don’t care for veggies…

Vegetables suck! There, I said it! Let the chips fall where they may…

#146: Mondays!

This one was inevitable, right?

The truth? I am far too weary to wax nostalgic or bash stupid celebrities or indulge in any of my usual hijinks, so this is what you get people!

Blame whoever invented Mondays.

Please accept this image as a small consolation…

#155: Mother Nature’s Anti-NASCAR Vendetta!

This one is for the speed demons and rednecks among us.

You know who you are. Unless you’re too drunk to know better… Never mind.

Here’s the skinny: NASCAR postponed The Great American Race after heavy rain saturated Daytona International Speedway on Sunday.

Officials spent more than four hours waiting for a window to dry the famed track, but their prayers and human sacrifices (Hey, it could have happened!) were in vain. And when the latest storm cell passed over the speedway, they had little choice but to call it a day and reschedule.

Can you imagine the uproar? I would have loved to have seen the crowd’s faces; the looks of sheer horror and disgust pasted on their drooling faces would have been priceless!

The 500-mile race was rescheduled for Noon ET on Monday. It will be aired on Fox.

If Fate is through toying with NASCAR, that is.

Related articles

• Mother Nature Is Indecisive This Year (thepetalpusher.me)
• Daytona 500: Race Is Delayed as Mother Nature Won’t Go Away (bleacherreport.com)
• Rain Delays Start of NASCAR’s Daytona 500 (newsfeed.time.com)