Code Names Peter Parker Rejected Before Settling On Spider-Man.

1)  The Amazing Peeper  (You’re a teenage boy who just gained the ability to climb walls. What’s the first thing you’re going to do?)

2)  The Scarlet Stalker.

3)  He Can last All Night Man.  (Mary Jane wasn’t that easy to land at first.)

4)  The Amazing Ass-hat.

5)  The Webbed Wingnut.

6)  The Scarlet Sex Machine.

7)  Along Came A Spider Guy.  (Admittedly, he got really baked one night and read a book of nursery rhymes.)

8)  The Two-Minute Wonder.  (Gwen Stacy gave him that one after a botched attempt at coitus.)

9)  Dead Man Swinging  (Remember, he got his powers from a radioactive spider bite.)

10)  Superman.  (Kryptonian lawyers threatened to sue the radioactive ass off him.)

#142: Being Human…

We tend to forget Clark Kent is a writer.

Okay, he’s actually a journalist, but you get the point; he’s a creative individual. Not only that, he’s the Ultimate Creative Genius; able to write at superhuman speed while still finding time to leap tall buildings in a single bound!

I do not possess super-speed. I cannot formulate a blog post in my Kryptonian brain while foiling Lex Luthor’s latest scheme. My tiny human brain has found itself overwhelmed of late by my many challenges. Such as…

• Working full-time carting luggage around for ungrateful tourists.
• Supporting – and occasionally enjoying – a family.
• Writing  and maintaining You’ve been Hooked!
• Writing and maintaining The Book of Terrible.
• Creating and launching weekly column for Bullet News Niagara.
• Launching and promoting my first – and hopefully not last – book, The Bellman Chronicles.
• And finally, attending a movie and comic convention here and there!

If I was concealing a tenth of Mr. Kent’s awesome power, maybe I’d have a shot at maintaining all of the responsibilities I’ve chosen to shoulder. However,  I am but a  mere mortal – I know, it saddens my wife, she was hoping to land a vampire – who has been forced to concede defeat.

As you are well aware, my productivity has taken a hit of late and it does not appear the situation is going to improve any time soon. To say the very least. I’m certain many of you have reached this conclusion in regards to your own hectic schedules; there simply aren’t enough hours in a single day to do it all.

Tom Welling as Superman/Clark Kent. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Whether it’s a dream or a loved one, something always suffers when we take on a foe outside our power set.

Sorry, the comic book analogies just come so naturally, I can’t resist.

At any rate, while I have not thrown in the proverbial, blogging towel just yet I have found myself forced to scale back my WordPress activities… for a little while, at least. Ironically, it was my blogs that inspired me to write a book and pursue an online column in the first place.

To wrap this rambling mess up, I’ll still be around folks; just in small doses. And as always, I’ll pop up occasionally on other blogs. keep in touch, okay?

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#6: When Your Instincts Land You In The Doghouse!

Specifically, a man’s “Cleavage Vision”!

Not to be confused with Superman’s enhanced vision, I’m referring to a man’s innate ability to spot a woman’s chest area from a mile away. It’s hardwired into our DNA; we really have no control and thus should not be held responsible for simply responding to our body’s natural instincts.

If you’re not buying this, you’re in good company. My wife was not amused last week when I spotted one of her childhood friends at the local community centre. The friend in question had chosen a red – a color proven to draw attention regardless of gender  - workout top with a PLUNGING neckline that mere words cannot do justice!

This was entrapment, of that I am certain. Most women would have checked her out, never mind the men! And believe me, the outfit choice was deliberate; when the time came to leave she zipped up her coat – to be clear, it was cold out that night – but stopped precisely where the “action” was, so to speak!

Nevertheless, I received a MAJOR ribbing from my spouse for the rest of the night and she even sold me out to my father-in-law! Fortunately, he was true to the “Guy Code”.

“I noticed her last week when she said hello to me. That girl is built!”

I told you so.

DC Comics Wants To Change New Comic Book Day Forever!

Superman’s creators are bored and have decided to kill him.

Again.

This time around though, they’re taking out their entire universe! Don’t worry, the DCU will be resurrected and rebooted into a different yet recognizable form. And if all goes according to the company’s plan, your local comic book outlet will undergo some changes as well.

In addition to over 50 new #1 titles in September, DC will be unveiling same-day digital publishing which many believe will signal the death kneel of the comic book store as we know it.

Or will it?

Will Store Like This Soon Vanish?

According to some retailers, readers will still have to physically travel to a store to download their titles! The retailer will have a series of cards or codes the customer will have to pay for before swiping or downloading.

Confused? Join the club.

The coming months will hopefully bring some enlightenment, but until then, there is going to be a lot of fanboy head scratching going on.

 THE NEW JLA: HEROES FOR A DIGITAL AGE?

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Look, Up In The Sky, It’s….. A Fashion-forward Man Of Steel?

Quality control has always been Superman’s real kryptonite.

A integral component of DC Comics‘ realunch campaign for September appears to be updated looks for their iconic characters. Case in point, a streamlined look for the Last Son of Krypton.

 

There will  be a lot of print and cyber space devoted to the examination of this decision prior to the launch, but personally, only one phrase comes to mind.

If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.

A gripping story and dynamic artwork is all a comic book needs, never mind flashy threads for your hero. A guy in a suit can be just as interesting as someone right off the catwalk.

In the right hands.

The Second Half Of Supes' New Look. What Do YOU Think?

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Bizarro Week, Day 7: Getting Lucky!

Let’s end with a bang, shall we?

Contentment is hard to come by, we spend most of our time wishing we were Brad Pitt, Donald Trump or Tiger Woods.

They may have fame (and Angelina!) boatloads of money, and athletic prowess, but there is one instance during which we are all equals.

Between the sheets, we are all Superman and Wonder Woman!

Admit it, while encased in post-coital bliss, NOTHING  can touch you!

ONE FINAL POSITIVE NOTE:

Get out there and see Green Lantern this weekend! It’s sure to be a thrill ride of intergalactic porportions!

A Potential Misstep Of Super Proportions – The DC Universe Will Be Reborn In September!

Image via Wikipedia

But as what exactly?

To the uninitiated,  in fanboy-speak, a reboot of the DC Comics family of titles, (Superman, Batman, Green Lantern, etc.) essentially means over 50 established titles will undergo a revamp of their oft-rewritten 76 year-plus history of shared continuity.

In other words, the names and faces will stay the same, but when it comes to just about everything else after August 31st, all bets are off.

With  over 50 new #1 issues, a Geoff Johns-Jim Lee (they’re HUGELY popular comic writers/artists)  Justice League, and a plan to fully embrace “same-day” digital distribution (The first major publisher to do so) the Warner Bros. owned company is taking a MAJOR gamble with their market share.

Or are they?

DC is one of the “Big Two”, (Disney-owned Marvel Comics being the other, ‘natch!) and their fans are nothing if not loyal. Not to mention they’re backed by a monster company who won’t let their Golden Goose fail.

I use the term because in addition to monthly comic book titles, DC’s characters appear in novels, video games, clothing and literally thousands of other products.

Warner Bros can’t afford let the DCU reboot fail. Even the timing of the announcement has been calculated to coincide with the release of the second issue of Flashpoint, the DC mini-series focussing on a world on the brink of destruction, the result of  a timeline-altering villain.

The biggest change so far? Dr. Thomas Wayne survives the famour robbery  and becomes Batman to avenge the murder of his wife and son!

 

Now that readers know just what the final outcome of Flashpoint will be, sales should fly higher than you-know-who! Of course, if readers decide to resent DC for tinkering with established continuity once again, this reboot will become the comic book equivalent of New Coke!

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Some Heroes Just Can’t Get Off The Ground….

The situation is grim and all hope appears lost..

Then, HE appears, looming and powerful like a modern-day demigod. He is…Dishman!

Excuse me?

Dishman was most likely conceived in a dorm room after a weekend of weed and booze. His power is self-explanatory: if your water line was busted and the silverware was piling up, he was your man!

 Dishman was a “parody”, supposedly. I accept they can’t all be Superman, but come on!

A “Super-misstep”! Superman Is NOT A Political Weapon!

Image via Wikipedia

The so-called “Death of Superman” a few years ago was a complete joke (He was back by the end of the summer. What a shock!) and now the Man of Steel is a punchline once again.

This time the joke is “How do you set off a political firestorm from a non-issue?”

The answer, of course, is to have the symbol of “Truth, Justice and the American Way” renounce his U.S citizenship and became fodder for every political pundit with an axe to grind.

And brother, that’s all of them.

In a back-up story in Action Comics #900, Superman is scolded by a member of the president’s security staff for appearing at a protest in Iran, suggesting Superman’s actions reflect the positions of US government as a whole. As a result, Superman chooses to renounce his US citizenship, rather than become a  symbol for a particular party.

In a Fox News article on Superman’s proclamation, “GOP activist” Angie Meyer is quoted saying, “Besides being riddled with a blatant lack of patriotism, and respect for our country, Superman’s current creators are belittling the United States as a whole. By denouncing his citizenship, Superman becomes an eerie metaphor for the current economic and power status the country holds worldwide.”

 The same piece quotes Wired‘s Scott Thill, saying, “Superman has always been bigger than the United States. In an age rife with immigration paranoia, it’s refreshing to see an alien refugee tell the United States that it’s as important to him as any other country on Earth — which, in turn, is as important to Superman as any other planet in the multiverse.”

What everyone seems to forget is..SUPERMAN ISN’T REAL!

Sure, his fictional activities affect real people on an emotional level, but he was never intended to become a symbol of the U.S government. He was created by two Canucks for God’s sake!

Sure, one of them was half-American, but the point is, Superman can fly anywhere, but he was never meant to fly into the political arena.

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Amy Adams Dumps The Fighter For The Man Of Steel!

Image via Wikipedia

How do you follow-up a romance with a street-wise championship boxer Mark Wahlberg? If you’re Amy Adams, you join the cast of Zack Snyder‘s upcoming reboot of Superman as Lois lane and leap into the arms of Brit actor Henry Cavill.

You can’t really blame her, although Supes did get his ass kicked by Muhammad Ali once.

There are dozens of reasons a girl would rather upgrade from Coach to First-class on Air Krypton. Among the highlights:

• No overbearing mother-in-law or drug addicted brother to contend with.
• You don’t have to worry about him complaining about your bad cooking (Unless you use you-know-what as seasoning!)
• He loves animals, (He’s owned a super-dog and horse!) which chicks go goofy for.
• He can see right into your heart – literally!

Personally, I’m not sure Adams can channel Lois’ spunky stick-to-itiveness and sexy attitude. Of course she was hot as stolen nuclear material when she played a night nurse with braces in Catch Me If You Can, so who knows?

She’ll be joined by Diane lane as Martha Kent and Kevin Costner as Johnathan Kent, which actually give me more reason for concern than anything else. Costner is a superb actor – sometimes. I just hope director Snyder utilizes him directly and we wind up with the Bull Durham Costner and not the train wreck we got in The Postman.

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