#114: Summertime Stupidity!

Of course, stupidity thrives all-year round, but something about the blistering hot days of summer seems to really bring out the terrible in people.

Like the yahoos who wear long-sleeve shirts and jeans while walking around declaring, “Hey, how about this heat, right?”

I hate those guys.

TERRIBLE!

AND NOW, A LITTLE SHAMELESS SELF-PROMOTION…

TOP TEN REASONS TO BUY THE BELLMAN CHRONICLES

10. YOU WON’T HAVE TO LEAVE YOUR HOUSE TO LAUGH AT OTHER PEOPLE.

9. IT’S CHEAPER THAN BEER AND THE CHEAP GLUE BINDING WILLSTILL GIVE YOU A BUZZ.

8. TWO WORDS: NO VAMPIRES!

7. THE AUTHOR IS SO POOR, THE PURCHASE COUNTS AS A CHARITABLE DONATION.

6. IT DOES NOT CONTAIN FIFTY SHADES OF ANYTHING.

5. IT WILL MAKE YOU FEEL BETTER ABOUT YOURSELF TO READ ABOUT SOMEONE WHO IS REALLY SUFFERING…

4. THERE IS NO MATH REQUIRED.

3. YOU DON’T HAVE TO TIP YOUR BELLMAN AFTERWARDS.

2. THERE ARE NO RACIAL OVERTONES…EVERYONE GETS MADE FUN OF.

1. ITS CHEAPER THAN TAKING AN ACTUAL VACATION.

Available now on Amazon.com and the Kindle.

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#118: Summer!

You read that right.

Let’s talk about the not-so-nice features of “sum-sum-summertime”.

• Breathing problems. If you’re in ill-health or ancient.. I mean, a senior, then the dog days of summer are not your friend. 
• Humidity. Swamp-ass, anyone?
• Loud neighbors who sit on their front porch and yak ’til 3 A.M.
• If you can’t afford central air, you’re pretty much cooked. Literally!
• Loud neighbors who sit in their backyard and party ’til 3 A.M.
• The kids are home – every… single…day!
• Your wife is so tired from watching the kids refuses to do that thing with her tongue… You fellas know what I’m talking about, right?

I could go on, but you get the idea. Summer rocks, but like every season, it has its drawbacks. I know some guys who dread the inevitable “family vacation” and all the terror that goes along with it.

But that’s another post.

Until then, stay cool okay?

AVAILABLE NOW!!

On Amazon, that is.  The Kindle version is coming… I promise!

#99: That Feeling You Get When You First Step Into The Pool…

The sun is blazing. Your skin cells are literally sizzling. Old people are spontaneously combusting and everything smells of Bengay and Polident!

In other words, it’s frickin’ hot!

But you have the solution.

A quick dip in the pool will surely stave off summer’s relentless onslaught, right?

But you place one toe in the water and your testicles (if you have them, that is!), ascend into your ribcage! 

Damn you human sensitivity to heat and cold!

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