The Junos Are Tonight! Does Anyone Really Care?

First off, most people reading this (All five of you!), probably don’t even know what the Juno Awards are.

 The Junos are Canada’s answer to the Grammys, celebrating individual artists and bands’ artistic and technical achievements for the year. New members of the Canadian Music Hall of Fame are also inducted as part of the awards ceremonies. Not only do most Canadians barely know what the Junos are, those that do really don’t care.

This year’s ceremony will be hosted by Canada’s black Eminem, Drake, who will no doubt play up the fact that’s he’s buddies with everyone’s favorite teen demigod, Justin Bieber. Speaking of He-Whose-Lesbian-Haircut-Inspired-A-Million-Jokes, he’s nominated for four Junos - Album for the Year, Artist of the Year, the Fan Choice Award and the Best Pop Album for My World 2.0.

OF COURSE, I'M A SERIOUS ARTIST, LOOK AT MY FACE!

Bieber is apparently not going to be performing, which just further explains just why most Canucks don’t care about their homegrown awards. There are some fine performers tapped to hit the stage though, Arcade Fire (Who ticked off some Americans at last year’s Grammys, good for them!), Hedley and Sarah McLachlan.

Of course, in order to draw Yankee viewers, the Junos honor non-Canadian talent with an International Album of the Year. Last year it was won by Kings of Leon with Only by the Night. This year the artists up for that award are Eminem, Lady Antebellum, Taylor Swift, Ke$ha and Katy Perry.

To further undermine their credibility, the Junos have decided to induct Shania Twain into the Canadian Music Hall of Fame even though her career has been colder than Montreal in February (It makes sense if you’re Canadian!) and most Canadians have all but forgotten about her. It’s no coincidence she has a new show spotlighting her attempt to return to the top on the Oprah Winfrey Network.   

 Speaking of The Mighty US of A, most Canadians love the States and that’s why they’ll stick to American awards shows. It also explains why the Junos are constantly taking a beat down from their Canadian award show rival, the star magnet MuchMusic Video Awards.

Canadian artists may attend the Junos out of a sense of loyalty but  every single one of them knows they have to crack the golden nugget that is the US recording market in order to truly achieve superstar status. Our singers know that most Canadians pay more attention to the American cultural scene than their own.

And who can blame them? Canada is responsible for unleashing the musical horror that is Celine Dion. 

For anyone that’s actually interested, the Junos begin at 8 pm on the CTV network.

 Related Articles

• It’s the Juno Awards! (aquantumofknowledge.wordpress.com)
• Drake Says He’s Ready To Host THE 2011 JUNO AWARDS (prnewswire.com)
• Neil Young honoured on Juno’s first night (theglobeandmail.com)
• Neil Young, Arcade Fire among Juno Award winners (ctv.ca)

Shania in the Canadian Music Hall of Fame? It’s All About Timing, Not Talent, Folks.

Image via Wikipedia

News today that Shania (I’m too good for North America, so I’m moving to Switzerland!) Twain will be inducted into the Canadian Music Hall of Fame at this year’s Juno Awards.

The Junos, for the uninitiated, are the Canadian “special” cousin of the American Grammy Awards. You get the idea, they lack the production values or mega-star power of the Grammys, but they do serve Molson Canadian and genuine Canadian back bacon during the pre-show, which is always nice.

The question that springs to mind concerning this announcement, is of course, ”She hasn’t released any new material or made any relevant cultural contributions for years, so why honor Shania Twain now?’

In almost every aspect of life, especially television, timing is everything.

Shania’s autobiography will hit book store shelves this spring and Why Not? With Shania Twain is set to debut in April on OWN: The Oprah Winfrey Network. And there’s the country song that is her love life.

Twain married her ex-best friend’s ex-husband Frederic Thiebaud on New Year’s Day in Puerto Rico. And to make matters more sorted, Twain’s ex, Robert “Mutt” Lange is engaged to Theibaud’s ex-wife.

Naturally, all this soap opera-type bed hopping has raised Shania’s profile to a level it hasn’t been in years!

The Juno Awards aren’t exactly a cultural highlight here in Canada, so the new Mrs. Thiebaud’s appearance will no doubt boost ratings and justify the Canadian Academy of Recording Arts and Sciences’ decision to honor her in the first place.

Related Articles

• Shania Twain to join Canadian Music Hall of Fame (thestar.com)
• Shania Twain Wedding Pictures (popcrunch.com)

Shania Twain Ties the Knot – Again! (Mutt Lange Did NOT Attend.)

As her fans continue to reel  from the news of her engagement to her former best friend’s ex-husband, (and you probably thought you had skeletons in your closet!) now comes round 2 – the wedding.

An announcement posted on the singer’s website says she and Swiss businessman Frédéric Thiébaud exchanged vows New Year’s Day at sunset in the community of Rincon in Puerto Rico. The event was a low-key affair, with only 40 of their closest friends and family in attendance. 

Why exactly does this chick have against North America, anyway? Her fans on both sides of the border have showered her with love and cold, hard cash – more than she could ever have imagined.

Her response? The old cut and run to Switzerland. I can’t begin to understand what is like to be stalked by paparazzi but if given the choice between obscurity and poverty or fame and fortune, I know what I’d pick.

But I digress.

The country siren and her friend-turned-beau confirmed their engagement last month, just as news broke of Shania’s upcoming show on Oprah’s new network. In Hollywood, timing is everything.

Make of it what you will, but the other couple in this twisted love square, Mutt Lange and Marie Ann Thiebaud are also engaged but have lost the race to the altar. I wonder what all their kids think of all this spouse-swapping? 

 The 45-year-old Twain describes Thiebaud as “a compassionate, understanding friend” who has helped her emerge from 2-1/2 years of emotional turmoil. “I’m in love! Frederic Nicolas Thiebaud has been a true gift to me as a compassionate, understanding friend and over time, an amazing love has blossomed from this precious friendship,”

Those comments always kill me, what’s she going to say, “His ex stole my meal-ticket, I mean husband, so I stole him!” Doesn’t have the same ring, does it?

Twain and rock ‘n roll mega-producer Robert (Mutt) Lange finalized their divorce last year after Shania claimed he cheated on her with her then-best friend.

For the record Shania, I think you’ve more than evened the score now.

GOOD LUCK TO THE HAPPY COUPLE – I HAVE A FEELING THEY’RE GOING TO NEED IT.

Shania Twain is STILL Terrible! (Mutt Lange still agrees.)

Like the fallout from a redneck thermonuclear bomb, the Shania Twain engagement announcement has drifted across the world’s media outlets, exciting some and disgusting others.

Love her or hate her, the gal can still draw attention.

Celebrity gossip guru Zack Taylor is reporting the country siren is pregnant with Frederic Thiebaud’s “twisted love” child. Wait until this kid arrives and reads about the events leading to his birth.

Assuming Shania is pregnant that is. There’s been no confirmation from the singer’s rep, but that’s the beauty of a rumor in the world of celebrity gossip – there doesn’t have to be a shred of truth.

One thing that is true – as far as we know – the new Oprah network has recruited Twain, among others including Bono maybe, to host a show.

 Apparently the singer will host Why Not? With Shania Twain, an hour-long series premiering on OWN: The Oprah Winfrey Network. “The show will follow [Twain] as she begins her climb back to the top, a personal journey filled with risk, revelations and unexpected adventures,” says a statement from the network.

Typical network hyperbole mandated by douchebags in suits. It is interesting to note they said “her climb back to the top” for those who thought I was being cruel by calling Twain a washed-up country star.

Why Not? I can think of a hundred reasons why.

One has to consider the timing of all this – Twain and Thiebaud became engaged two months ago in Switzerland but waited for a trip to the states to show off the rock. Right before Twain’s tv premiere. Hmm…

At any rate, the network is supposed to debut Jan. 1 but  rumors of delays have surfaced. Ah, those rumors again. Whatever the case, I’m sure the world can wait a little while for Shania’s redneck invasion of television.

It looks like we’ll be seeing enough of Shania in the meantime.

ANOTHER CLASSY SHANIA PIC.

Related Articles

• Shania Twain is engaged Her Ex’s Spouse’s Ex (nowpublic.com)

LeAnn Rimes – A Little bit country, a Little bit xxx.

LeAnn Rimes poured herself into a sexy santa outfit when she performed with the Gay Men’s Chorus of Los Angeles on Sunday night (December 19). The Puritanical right immediately fell of their pulpits and hopped right back onto their soap boxes. And so the latest celebrity mini-scandal has erupted.

 Here’s the outfit in question.

But how did poor little LeAnn Rimes come  to this?

She was everyone’s favorite little country siren, rising to fame at the tender age of 13 and making rednecks everywhere shed a tear into their Coors. As she grew, so did her troubles, including legal battles against her own father, a former manager and even her own recording label.

But wait, it gets better.

After a single date in  2001 with backup dancer Dean Sheremet, she declared, “This is the guy I want to marry.” She did marry him in 2002, but things got dicey in 2009.

Rimes was filming some crappy (an official Hollywood genre, I swear!) tv movie for the Lifetime network when she began an affair with married  actor Eddie Cibrian. The resulting media storm attracted more attention than the movie would ever have got otherwise.

 Unfortunately, it still sucked.

Cibrian’s wife and mother of his two children launched an attack against the new couple in the media, adding to the stains on Rime’s virgin-white rep. She has carried on though, and now faces the challenge of redefining herself. Instead of following the straight and narrow path, she appears to be taking the trail burned by so many young starlets these days.

Yes, the classy Patsy Clinesque days appear to be behind her – take a look at her appearance on this season’s America’s Got Talent .

THAT’S HER, I SWEAR!

So now in the span of one week, we have Shania Twain getting engaged to her former best friend’s husband and LeAnn Rimes prancing (get it?) around as a sexy Santa. Sounds like a typical week in country music to me. Where did you think they got those depressing songs from anyway?

They live them.

IF THESE GUYS WEREN’T GAY, SHE NEVER WOULD HAVE MADE IT OUT OF THERE!

Related Articles

• Report: LeAnn Rimes and Eddie Cibrian Are Engaged (omg.yahoo.com)
• LeAnn Rimes Shows Off Sexy Santa Outfit (seattlepi.com)