Top Ten Things Overheard at the White House Correspondents’ Dinner.

1)  “Jay-Z would have been here, but he’s building a summer house in Cuba.”

2)  “Trump’s here? Have the Secret Service shoot to kill!”

3)  “Make sure all the Bushes are seated as far from the bar as possible. And keep the waitresses away from their table.”

4)  “What type of wine goes with humiliation?”

5)  “Tina Fey and Sarah Palin are making out in the bathroom!”

6) “When should we tell the Secret Service we’re replacing their suits with non-functioning, but stylish Iron Man armor?”

7)  “Gwyneth Paltrow  just showed up – nude.”

8)  “I heard Disney bought the White House.”

9)  “Is this a good time to reveal our new breathing tax?”

10)  “What can we pull off while everyone’s distracted by this crap?”

#143: Zombies.

The Walking Dead (Photo credit: Med PhotoBlog)

I can only imagine the uproar this title has caused across the “interweb”.

To be clear, I’m not referring to the undead horde that rampages across AMC’s television masterpiece, The Walking Dead, my focus today is on the millions of living – but just barely – human beings who choose to waste their lives by never realizing their full potential. Look closely and you can actually see the neurons burning out in their eyes.

Most of them don’t even try. You can find them in every corner of our society…

• The educational system. And it’s not just the students; have you seen some of the teachers lumbering through school hallways these days?
• Politics. Sarah Palin anyone? And she’s armed!
• Teenagers. Of course, they could always outgrow their infection… hopefully!
• Reality television. Kate Gosselin, anyone? And she’s reproduced!
• The Kardashians. They transcend traditional categorization but they’re evolutionary throwbacks who threaten the very fabric of our society. As you may have guessed, I’m not a fan…
• Music. The list is seemingly endless; Jessica Simpson, Justin Bieber, Lady Gaga, etc.

I could go on, but I need to get busy drafting an online petition allowing for a government sanctioned “living zombie culling”.

I think its about time, don’t you?

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• Zombie Fight! British Mall Offers 4-Hour Walker Hunt Experience (inquisitr.com)
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Another Terrible Thing: Political Mudslinging!

There is a federal election looming over the Canadian people and the usual political shenanigans have ensued. Although politicians on both sides of the border pull the same crap every election season, people are beginning to tire of the routine.

I know The Hook is.

Personally, I’d rather see politicians actually hurl mud at each other, perhaps in a pit, than hurl the same slings and arrows in the public arena. I know most Americans would be down with the concept if Sarah Palin was signed up.        

Image by smiteme via Flickr

But seriously why don’t politicians just come out and say something like “My opponent is an alcoholic, Satan-worshiping, philanderer AND a cannibal!” At least the direct approach would prove refreshing. Even my twelve-year-old can see the flaw in the political machine.

Have these politicians actually considered the future and the fact she’ll be too disillusioned  to vote when the time comes? Because that’s what’s happened to her old man.

And most of North America for that matter.

You know what? I can’t speak for the everyone, but this political stuff is pretty dry for The Hook’s taste. Here’s a non-partisan image everyone can agree on. 

If “actresses” like Bree Olson “manned the polls” during the next round of elections, voter turnout would be record-setting!

Think about it.

 

Related Articles

• Why Politicians Lie, and How They Get Away With It (psychologytoday.com)
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Sarah Palin’s Advisors are Terrible! Seriously, Who Hired These People?

Image via Wikipedia

“If you don’t like their ideas, you’re free to propose better ideas. But, especially within hours of a tragedy unfolding, journalists and pundits should not manufacture a blood libel that serves only to incite the very hatred and violence they purport to condemn. That is reprehensible.”
–Sarah Palin

When a private citizen decides to wade into the murky waters of the political sea, their best bet is to surround themselves with individuals who can navigate  their way to an island of political power. This is especially true if the private citizen appears to be of somewhat limited intelligence.

In other words, hire experts if you’re a dumbass.

Sarah Palin has by all accounts, hired qualified political experts to steer her towards a run for the Republican presidential nomination in 2012.

Now if only someone would actually ask her what she plans to say before the cameras roll.

The January 8 shooting of United States Representative  from Arizona, Gabrielle Giffords has been a political hot-button issue, involving gun control, security at political rallies, and public safety in general. When you add Sarah Palin to the mix, it’s like pouring gas on a brush fire.

Palin was almost immediately intertwined with the tragic events in Arizona because Gifford’s’ district had been targeted in a map that Palin’s political machine used during the last congressional campaign. The map featured symbols that critics said were gun sights, but a Palin aide later argued they were “surveyor’s marks”.

Palin addressed supposed her connection to the Tuscon shootings in a Facebook video released Wednesday, in which she referred to herself as the victim of a ”blood libel”

Image via CrunchBase

 

Blood libel has been a central fable of anti-Semitism in which Jews have been accused of using the blood of gentile children for medicinal purposes or to mix in with matzoh, the unleavened bread traditionally eaten at Passover.

Was no one in the Palin camp aware of this? Or maybe they were all busy shooting moose in Alaska to stop and ask an actual Jew how they would feel about the use of the term in a video made by a Gentile political figure to defend herself against the media and political enemies.

Related Articles

• Jewish Group Hits Back at Sarah Palin’s ‘Blood Libel’ [The Jews] (gawker.com)
• Sarah Palin’s ‘blood libel’ blunder | Peter Beaumont (guardian.co.uk)
• Sarah Palin Lashes Out At Media After Gabrielle Giffords Shooting In Tucson (thefrisky.com)
• Boehner in tribute: ‘Our hearts are broken, but our spirit is not’ (thehill.com)
• Does Palin Know What “Blood Libel” Means? (underthelobsterscope.wordpress.com)

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• Boehner in tribute: ‘Our hearts are broken, but our spirit is not’ (thehill.com)
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Is Sarah Palin’s Alaska Off The Map?

Image via Wikipedia

The TLC network has left its mark on the modern television age through such shows as the entertaining Cake Boss and the dreadful and chilling Toddlers and Tiaras. It has also allowed itself to be manipulated by a new master of the modern political machine.

A staggering 3.2 million viewers a week tuned in for Sarah Palin’s Alaska to see the state’s most talked-about resident shoot defenseless wildlife and make Kate Gosselin almost cry.

Now it appears the timer has run out on the newest reality television experiment. The network hasn’t announced a second season and Palin is being unusually silent about her reality tv future.

Palin and her father Chuck took more than a few shots, (Get it, they’re gun nuts!) at Kate Gosselin, chuckling over clips of Kate whining about being cold and wet on her brief Alaskan adventure.

“It was a bit of a country mouse, city mouse kind of thing,” said Sarah, (She’s going to need a qualified speech writer if she does set her sights on the White House!). “Ya gotta give it the old college try, though.” Palin added, “I never heard the kids complain; they were innocent, sweet, curious spirits.” Chuck added, “She was out of her element, poor lady.”

I can’t properly convey how strange it sounds when a Palin pities a Gosselin; it’s like George W. Bush criticizing..anyone. Political pundits have watched Palin’s show closely, speculating a second season would mean she isn’t serious about a run for higher office.

Whether the show returns or not is irrelevant, it’s purpose has been fulfilled. Sarah Palin’s Alaska has been the most expensive, successful and longest televised political campaign ad in history.

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