#121: The Reign of The Kardashians!

If Howard Stern is truly the King of All Media, this clan is its Royal Family.

Seriously, their actions currently determine the course of most media sites, magazines, paparazzi, etc. Even Oprah recently tried to raise the fortunes of her failing network by airing a special “in-depth, probing” series of interviews with the First Family of Dysfunction.

Of course, the sisters only showed up because they thought they were actually going to be probed, but that is neither here not there….

Just take a look at my blog stats for June 14 and let me know if you spot a pattern:

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kanye west and kim kardashian	229
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kanye west & kim kardashian	33
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kanye west kim kardashian picture	29
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Other search terms	1,220
Unknown search terms	879
Total search terms	2,496

Personally, I think was the moment I truly feared for the future….

There are literally millions of worthy role models walking this planet that our children can safely follow – that goes for us grown-ups as well – but we have allowed the media to inundate our brains with these bottom feeder celebrities. We should never forget just how we first became familiar with these hosebags in the first place:

What else is there to say? They’re everywhere these days, and until the public says otherwise, they won’t be returning to whatever God forsaken rock they slithered out from under any time soon.

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• Twitter storm after porn star claims ‘nude’ Kim Kardashian pic posted by Kanye West is really her (thesun.co.uk)
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• Kim Kardashian Nude on Twitter for Kanye of the Day (drunkenstepfather.com)

#138: Three More Years of the Kardashians?

It’s true. The worst-case scenario has come to  pass…

The Kardashian clan has signed a deal to broadcast their ongoing crime spree for three more years. Yes, I said “crime spree”; if their show is not evidence of crimes against humanity, then I really don’t know what to say anymore.

On  second thought, I know exactly what to say.

I don’t know a single soul who watches this garbage, but  millions of people do and a large number of them are little girls.

Our little girls are being influenced on a deep level by people like this…

Yes, there are probably bigger targets out there for me to pick on, but I refuse to let this cult/family get away with their litany of crimes against television and all media in general.

And do you know what sickens me most of all? Bruce Jenner is a Kardashian, only by unholy union, but a Kardashian nonetheless. When I was a boy, Bruce Jenner was an idol to millions of aspiring athletes.

Now I cannot even stand to look at him. I refuse to believe there isn’t a single soul at an entire network who is willing to stand up and speak the truth about the Kardashians.

If they want to ruin their own lives, that’s their God-given right. But why can’t they leave the rest of us alone?

Justin Bieber is enough of a modern-day plague, isn’t he?

Related articles

• KARDASHIAN TV DEAL: $40 Million for 3 More Seasons (blippitt.com)
• ‘Keeping Up With the Kardashians’ Renewed for Three More Seasons (worldaccordingtomonte.com)
• Bruce Jenner Is ‘Not That Excited’ About Kimye (huffingtonpost.com)
• Bruce Jenner Talks About Kim Kardashian & Kanye West: “I’m Not That Excited” (lukewilliamsgossip.wordpress.com)

#151: Snooki’s Decision To Reproduce!

It’s true, I’m afraid; reality TV’s contribution to television history, Snooki, is pregnant.

 

Not only is this irrefutable proof that God has left the building, it confirms my long-held theory that Satan has a summer home on the Jersey Shore.

 Why couldn’t the gentleman who punched Snooki in the face have aimed for her ovaries instead?

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#181: When “Poor Kim” Gets Mistreated!

As if her lot in life wasn’t in enough jeopardy already, Fate has dealt poor, little Kim Kardashian another cruel blow.

Funny how the word “blow” always seems to appear when Kim’s name arises, isn’t it? 

But I digress.

After her “American Royal Wedding” turned out to be a tremendous hoax… I mean failure, Kardashian returned to life as a disgustingly rich, single, semi-literate reality TV star and subject of pictures and DVDs stuffed under the mattresses of millions of teenage boys – and girls too, more than likely. Two months later the fallout continues as Skechers has decided they too want a divorce from Kim.

She just OOZES charm, doesn't she?

No one seems to want to get into bed with this particular Kardashian right now. I have a feeling the “people pleasing” skills she displayed in her sex tape have faded somewhat.

Kim, who was featured in the sneaker maker’s racy Super Bowl commercial last year, has been dropped by the company and will be replaced by a French bulldog.

“Kim got us more attention than we ever dreamed,” says Leonard Armato, president of Skechers Fitness, who notes that Skechers is launching a high-tech running shoe business. “We have to establish Skechers as more than a lifestyle company.”

Armato has responded to the media uproar over this situation with the usual weasly company PR “BS statement”, “While Kim’s contract with Skechers simply came to an end at the end of last year, we continue to have a great relationship with her … to say that she was ‘dropped’ or ‘replaced’ is misleading and untrue. Skechers has enjoyed and continues to enjoy the relationship with Kim, and in fact we continue to discuss ways that we may work together in the future.”

Obviously the company felt the dog was capable of reaching a higher acting level than Kardashian. It’s a shame, really, that a compromise couldn’t be reached. The two “actors” have so much in common.

• Both have engaged in public sex acts. It’s a safe bet the dog has and Kim’s tape is readily available on the ‘net.
• Both enjoy the same style of intercourse. Again, Kim’s tape is proof of this.
• They both have difficulty running in sneakers. Yes, the dog will be wearing sneakers in the ad!
• Look closely and you’ll see they wear the same vacant look in their eyes…

In closing, let me just say this mistreatment cannot be allowed lest the long-term effects damage Ms. Kardashian’s willingness to thrust herself into the spotlight repeatedly.

 

The word “thrust” seemed to just spring to mind as well, sorry.

 

The point is, Kim has given so much pleasure to millions and now her livelihood is at risk. We must not allow this miscarriage of justice to go unanswered. Or maybe we can just go about out lives and forget all about Kardashian and her kind.

 

Do really think that’s possible? Really?

Again, charming… 

Related articles

• Kim Kardashian Replaced By French Bulldog In Super Bowl Commercial (thecrimsoncrow.com)
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• Kim Kardashian Dropped for Dog in Skechers Super Bowl Commercial (peoplepets.com)

#38: Envy.

Image via Wikipedia

So you’re watching a reality competition like America’s Got Talent, and you’re thinking “Those people have just had their fifteen minutes. What about mine?”

We all do it, it’s an inescapable human trait.

We’re bombarded daily with images of highly successful, beautiful celebrities, athletes, movers and shakers of the business world, and we start to question our entire existence.

“Where did I go wrong?”

You probably didn’t. Not everyone is destined for what we perceive as greatness. A man who works his entire life to support his family financially while raising his kids in a stable, morally sound environment is not only a winner in my books, he’s a hero.

Let’s face it, most celebrities are ungrateful douche bags who haven’t a clue just how blessed and lucky they truly are. Take the pop star, Pink, for example. Once, while accompanying her husband on a business trip, she instructed staff at the hotel to go out of their way to make sure she wasn’t bothered in any way.

Now, I understand Pink’s desire for privacy, but this is a woman who is the envy of millions of little girls who want to be just like her. If that fan base disappeared, Pink would find herself wishing she extended every courtesy she could to every single fan anytime they asked.

 Most professional athletes fail to truly appreciate the opportunities they’ve been given, as well. They start out as envious fans, who would give anything to join the “Big Leagues”. Once they get there, however, the trappings of fame prove overwhelming.

Kobe Bryant, anyone?

And don’t get me started on the business world. The average CEO is appointed to the position, they’re not an owner who has built an empire one brick at a time. Then again, I look at the cast of Dragon’s Den or its American counterpart, Shark Tank and I know these people have earned what they have, but I still feel myself turning green.

The trick, in my humble opinion, is to use your envy as motivation to wholeheartedly pursue your dreams to the best of your ability. In the meantime, just remember to thank God for what you do have.

After all, your life isn’t so bad.

Seriously.

#60: Those Dramatic Pauses During Reality Shows!

Image via Wikipedia

America’s Got Talent has been a huge hit this summer, and not just in my house!

But I have a HUGE complaint that extends past Piers Morgan and co. All reality shows (like American Idol  and that Seacrest goofball!) seem to delight in the “dramatic pause”. You know how it goes: AGT host Nick Cannon introduces the acts, announces that someone will have their dreams crushed on national television and then…

Nothing…

Two minutes of camera pans and cheesy music.

All the while, your irritation evolves into anger and finally you begin shouting at the tv, cursing Mr. Mariah Carey, that Morgan twit, and even Howie Mandel and Sharon Osborne! The dramatic pause is a television staple – of fictional dramas. It has no place in the reality competition arena.

These shows piss people off enough when their favorites are eliminated, drawing the process out just drives viewers into a murderous rage. And let’s face it, these shows count a lot of seniors amongst their audience, and the last thing Grandpa needs is to burn out his pacemaker while shouting at Ryan Seacrest!

#80: The Quest For Instant Fame!

Not that long ago, every boy wanted to be a cowboy, an astronaut or a policeman. Every girl wanted to be Barbie, who could be anything she wanted, and have Ken by her side at the same time!

These days?

Every kid wants to be Justin Bieber or Rebecca Black. The main reason for their immeasurable popularity? The relative ease with which they achieved their fame and fortune.

In the old days you’d have to play school talent shows, county fairs, and even weddings to ply your trade. Eventually you’d hit the bar circuit, possibly for the rest of your career!

But times have changed; we now have reality shows where contestants can stretch their fifteen minutes of fame, providing they can survive scathing insults from arrogant British judges, that is! And of course, there is always the internet, I’m  referring to Youtube, of course, which made Rebecca Black so hated, people began to love her!  

Image via CrunchBase

 

I suppose how you achieve fame is irrelevant, it’s what you do with it that matters.

But then again, what do I know? I’m just a simple blogger trying to achieve some small measure of success the old-fashioned way - one day at a time.

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The Producers Of The Bachelorette Go Fishing For Viewers…

And they’re perfectly willing to use any means at their disposal to get them.

But that’s the tv game, right?

Host Chris Harrison says in his EW.com blog that we’re going to see one of those moments tonight with Bentley Williams, a 28-year-old single dad living in Salt Lake City and this season’s villain, who is going to break Bachelorette Ashley Hebert’s heart.

“Private” on-camera confessionals are a staple of reality shows and tend to create the most controversy. Williams’ remarks regarding his true feelings for Hebert have not failed to disappoint drama fans. Harrison, however says the contestant’s comments crossed a line, something I didn’t think possible on a show that allows a single gal to date 25 horny guys at once!

ABC

“They were out of line and disrespectful. He knew for a fact he wasn’t into Ashley and wanted nothing to do with her, yet he continued to lead her on emotionally and physically as well, and that in my book is not cool….

We’ve had so-called bad guys or villains on this show before but we’ve never had anything like this. What you will see next week will easily be one of the most talked about moments ever.

There won’t be one viewer that won’t have a very strong opinion about what unfolds. We’ve had plenty of dramatic moments over the years and I even joke about using that word all the time. This is different and it is nothing to joke about. You will see the wheels completely come off this ride for Ashley – so much so we came very close to having to shut down production on our show. …

There was a very real chance that Ashley was done and so was this season. It was a mess, and you will see every bit of it next Monday night.”

Her show is cultural cancer, but you have to admit, the girl has great....seashells!

Do you believe, for a minute, that Harrison and ABC would have suspended production of the show for anything short of a fatality? These guys are in it to win it, the ratings game I mean, and if they have to play up some Alpha-male moron’s attempts to grab more screen time, so be it.

You just know Williams is going to cry foul after the season wraps and say the producers manipulated him into acting the role of the heavy. But let’s face it everyone on these reality shows knows what they’re in for, after seven seasons of the Bachelorette, there are no surprises left.

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• Big Jerks on ‘Bachelorette?’ (foxnews.com)

We Can All Exhale Now, Trump Is NOT Running For President!

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There, doesn’t that feel better?

After weeks of seemingly endless speculation and a political firestorm ignited by the whole “birther” issue, real-estate mogul and reality television “icon” (His words, not mine!) Donald Trump has officially announced he will not enter the 2012 race for the  GOP nomination.

“I will continue to voice my opinions loudly and help to shape our politician’s thoughts. My ability to bring important economic and foreign policy issues to the forefront of the national dialogue is perhaps my greatest asset and one of the most valuable services I can provide to this country,” he said.

Trump, however, is still running for Supreme Being of this reality.

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Madison Garton: Sucking the Most Out of Her 15 Minutes of Fame!

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We live in a world where celebrity status can be achieved overnight via reality television, especially if one appears on one of the few long-running reality series still in existence. No where has this been more apparent than on the current season of The Bachelor.

Would-be rose recipient Madison Garton, of Vail, Colorado may not look like it, but she has proven to be one of the smartest contestants ever to appear on the dating show.     

She has successfully combined the enduring appeal of reality television with the current white-hot allure of the vampire craze to create a public persona that has tapped into the fame vein.

Fame vein, get it?

First she defied convention by lasting through the premier episode in spite of, or maybe because of, the prosthetic fangs. Then she did the unthinkable; she walked away from a competition where the goal is to snag, or in her case, bite into, a prospective mate!

“It blows my mind,” Garton told reporters the morning after she told Bachelor Brad Womack she had to leave. “It seems like some girls are really in it to win it. Winning ‘The Bachelor,’ you know. … Girls are sort of strategizing and all of that. When you pull yourself back from it, you’re like, ‘Hey, what am I doing? I don’t even know this guy!’”

The official story was this: Garton, known as “Fang girl” on the web, felt moved by the story of fellow contestant Emily Maynard. She’s the girl whose race car driver husband died in a plane crash in 2004, after which she discovered she was pregnant with his child. Garton said she didn’t want to stand in the way of  what could become “true love.”

On The Bachelor? Not bloody likely!

According to imdb.com, Garton’s real name is Madison McKinley and she’s an actress who’s appeared on “30 Rock”, among other shows. All this means is that Garton is a shrewd actress intent on draining whatever publicity she can get from reality tv.

Who knows how things will play out for the fanged hottie? She could wind up with something more valuable and enduring than the final rose on a dating competition.

Related Articles

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