#199: Office Nazis!

They’re sad little people who have allowed a title and an insignificant amount of power to go to their heads.

I realize the term “Nazi” conjures up horrific images, but think “Soup Nazi” rather than Indiana Jones. We’re delving into the world of office politics here, people; sticky yet ridiculous business! Every office has at least one employee who has voluntarily had their lips surgically grafted to the boss’ butt. They snoop around like rodents; always listening for scraps of info that will be helpful on their crawl/rise up the ladder.

And everyone hates them for it.

• The Jokester. He can’t make merry if a rat is nearby, can he?
• The Wise Old Veteran. They’ve seen Office Nazis come and go; but they’ve always hated them!
• The “Hawkeye Pierce” – The Unofficial Leader. They butt heads with them all the time.
• The Office Slut. She may sleep with them, but she’ll never respect them!

No one does. They’re middle-management weasels who refuse to take a step back and consider how others view them. Unfortunately, it is still illegal to trap and euthanize them.

Damn activists.

#81: The Office Know-it-All!

Legal precedents prevent you from killing him.

But you know you want to.

He is th expert on everything; no topic of conversation that arises during office hours is beyond his scope.

He’s single, but he can tell you everything you’re doing wrong in your relationship. Though childless, no child-rearing problem is beyond his expertise. Even home ownership, with all its myriad of responsibilities, isn’t too tough for this apartment dweller!

He makes you groan when you first see him, and you can’t pray hard enough for some horrible industrial accident to befall him.

But it never does.

I suppose you could attempt to defuse the situation and try to articulate to this individual just why half the office wants to see his lifeless form hanging from the ceiling in the break room, but who has the time or intestinal fortitude?

#98: Being Stuck in an Elevator With Someone You Hate!

Image by voteprime via Flickr

I know Hate is a truly terrible thing, but we all have someone at our workplace, school, etc., that we can’t stand .

You know it’s true.

So just what do we do when we find ourselves trapped in an enclosed space with said individual?

It’s not like you can walk away. You’re there and even if the elevator is moving, I guarantee it’s not moving fast enough! Hopefully, there’s a buffer person present, but if they leave first, you’re done!

Good luck, you poor bastard.

Bizarro Week, Day 6: Amidst The Chaos, A Moment Of Peace…

The average working-class dog slaves away for eight hours a day – and they usually all suck!

Why do you think they invented the smoke/coffee break?

Or the “Bring Your Sawed-off Shotgun To Work Day”!

For those of us who don’t engage in the quest for nicotine of caffeine or even office nookie, there is one simple pleasure that is considered priceless.

For thirty minutes, five days a week, The Hook walks away from Hotel Hell and finds a nice, quiet corner of the casino across the street.

Yes, there is actually a quiet corner of a casino food court!But it belongs to me, so back off!

I can relax, read the paper and recharge the battery. Then it’s back to the trenches. We all need a corner.

Find yours.

Image via Wikipedia