1) “Those damn elves have been downloading porn on my laptop again!”
2) “I have to get the lawyers to send another cease-and-desist letter to R. Kelly again. He keeps impersonating me at the mall!”
3) “I can’t believe how crazy the weather has been. I’m going to fly by Al Roker’s house and kick his ass!”
4) “I wonder if Miley is going to sit on my lap again this year? That girl knows her way around a candy cane.”
5) “A request for seventeen virgins and a freezer full of meat from Lady Gaga? Again?”
6) “Ellen still won’t return my calls or e-mails? Who am I, The Hook?”
7) “Mrs. Claus still hasn’t had any luck with her diet, I wonder if Victoria’s Secret makes tents?”
8) “My damn DVR didn’t record Honey boo Boo again!”
9) “I wish Doug Ford would stop trying to buy my favor with twenty-dollar bills. I’m not putting Rob back on the nice list!”
10) “Mmm, cookies…”
train wreck performance defies description, so let’s just dive into the brain of the singer with the worst management team this side of Bieber, shall we?
10) ”I think that pretty well! I wonder what everyone else thinks?”
9) ”I got to dry-hump Hannah Montana in public! And it was legal”
8) ”I think I actually outdid Lady Gaga! I’ll have buy that girl a doll or some candy!”
7) ”I can feel stuff crawling on me already, but it was so worth it!”
6) ”The Smith family seemed to love it. They couldn’t look away.”
4) ”I think that did a world of good for my credibility.”
3) ”Hey! I’m getting congratulatory tweets already!”
2) ”I need to buy my wife one of those foam fingers.”
1) ”I better call my wife. She’ll want to congratulate me, I bet!”
The giveaway window has closed, and the final tally is….
That’s right, kids, The Bellman Chronicles is now in the hands of thousands of people and I can only hope the momentum carries through to sales and reviews. But that’s the future; for now, there are some people I need to thank…
- Jo Bryant: Your blog is called Chronicles of Illusions, but you’re a true friend, young lady! I can never thank you enough.
- Claire Ridgway: Your article on Interviews with Indie Authors is responsible for most of my success. Of course, Jo Bryant led me to you, so she gets some more credit, as well! Seriously, follow Claire’s formula if you can and you’ll see the results.
- SnicksList.com: Worth a look, folks… Trust me!
- Pixel of Ink
- Twitter was essential as well. If you had tole me a year ago, that I’d send out over a hundred “tweets” in one day, I’d have asked you if you were drunk…
- Holly Adair at http://fmbblogtours.blogspot.ca/
- There are dozens of others and I’ll get to everyone soon – I promise! For now, I just want to say thanks to everyone. I have the best friends in the cyberverse.
JUST SO YOU DON’T THINK I’VE GONE TOTALLY SOFT…
“I have this weird thing that if I sleep with someone they’re going to take my creativity from me through my vagina,” Lady Gaga in a a 2010 Vanity Fair interview.
Yeah, it’s an old quote, but I just heard it! And besides, there’s no statue of limitations on stupid…
TIME FOR OTHER BUSINESS..
A shout-out to my newest blog buddy, Kristen Lamb and her best-selling tome, We Are Not Alone: The Writer’s Guide to Social Media. Give it a try, folks. You won’t be disappointed…
And now… My first Blog Hop!
Starting 9/1 through 9/15, Romance at Random, & the participating sites below, are hosting a blog hop with FREE books! Enter your name into the Rafflecopter & you could be chosen to win:
- A Free Romance book! (10 winners in all)
- Be one of 5 winners to win a prize pack from author Elisabeth Barrett (check out her new release, BLAZE OF WINTER, below)
- Grand Prize is a $25 eGC
a Rafflecopter giveaway