For the uninitiated: I am a bellman in Niagara Falls. March Break is upon us.
Pray for me.
1) The name itself has destructive overtones. March Break? It sounds very painful.
2) It was not created by an adult. Seriously, what sane, fully-grown human being would ever conceive such an event? Who in their right mind gives kids a week off a mere two months after Christmas? Their last holiday buzz hasn’t even wore off yet, for Pete’s sake!
3) Cultural convention has ruined this week forever. North American college students feel March Break is the perfect time to eat (a little), drink (A LOT) and be merry (to the point of blacking out), and so we have accepted this behavior as normal. Unfortunately, kids everywhere look up to their older counterparts.
4) “ARE WE THERE YET?” Parents everywhere will be listening to this – until their ears bleed.
5) Automobile accidents. See #4. You try keeping both hands on the wheel and your eyes on the road when you hear the same sentence ad nauseam…..
6) The craziest people seem to be drawn to me. And so they come to Niagara Falls. Its a proven scientific fact. The research is in Canadian scientific journals; right between the advances in back bacon and telepathic snow dogs…
7) Stupid questions from tourists.
- “When do they shut down the Falls?” (Yes, they still ask that one.)
- “Do I have to pay for a bellman?”
- “Hey buddy, where the white women at?”
8) Tylenol’s sales go through the roof. Why does this bother me? I hate to suffer alone…
9) The two most chilling words in the English language – for parents, at least. Say them with me… “I’M BORED!” Admit it, a chill just went down your spine, right?
10) Crazy parents. Many of the parents I meet have the same philosophy: “Let your kids run wild. Someone else will handle it.”
Once again, pray for The Hook. Please.