For those not in the know, The Hook is a resident of Niagara Falls, Canada.
As such, I’ve come to realize that border guards are not exactly well-versed in the art of friendly banter with travelers.
To say the least.
Here then, are some tips on what not to say when crossing the border between countries.
1) When the customs officer says “Do you have anything to declare?”, don’t say “Only my undying contempt for you!”
2) “Is it true you have a special ‘Buy One Get One Free’ deal on Mexicans right now?”
3) “I bet my piece is bigger than yours!”
4) “Pay no attention to that thumping. I’ve been meaning to get that trunk triple-insulated, but I’ve been too busy. You know how it is, right?”
5) “I’m just here to open my 100th meth lab!”
6) “Could you recommend a good place to score, but in a safe neighborhood?
7) “Be careful while handling that passport, the ink is still wet.”
8) “Do you have a recycling bin? I need to throw out these beer bottles.”
9) “Be honest, does this concealed weapon make me look fat?”
10) “My name is Lindsay Lohan.” (or if you’re male) “My name is Charlie Sheen.”