OCTOBER 22, 2010:
After much consideration and with tremendous trepidation, The Hook launches his first blog, You’ve Been Hooked!, and joins the ranks of the WordPress community. A second blog (this one!) , soon follows.
My life would never be the same. Seriously.
JUNE 28, 2012:
After even more work – and more than a few hiccups along the way – The Hook decides to expand his horizons and publish his first book, The Bellman Chronicles. With the help of his friends, family, and the geniuses at CreateSpace – not to mention a little luck – that book has finally been completed.
A dream has become reality.
Here’s a quick description of my literary “masterpiece:
I know what you’re thinking, “What is this? Does it have any hunky, brooding vampires?”
- Let’s be clear, this book does NOT contain…
- Beautiful members of the Undead searching for a nice light snack/true love.
- Teenage wizards battling adversaries so fearsome they must not be named.
- Children battling to the death in a televised spectacle.
- Virginal college students with soap opera names who shed their purity after meeting emotionally crippled, perverted businessmen – who happen to have billions.
The Bellman Chronicles is a collection of tales featuring…
TERRIBLE PEOPLE:
Douchebags who think Grandma’s wheelchair is a suitable substitute for a luggage cart.
Crazy cougars who think the term “full-service hotel” means the security officer will sleep with you – while your husband watches.
Guests who bring animals with them: a deer strapped to their RV – which they park next to the kitchen entrance of the hotel’s restaurant.
TERRIBLE THINGS:
Getting caught daydreaming while your spouse “shares her feelings.”
Spilling your morning coffee.
Hairless cats.
So if you think your life sucks, take some of that money you were going to spend on Red Bull and smokes and read about someone who is REALLY suffering, namely yours truly.
You can call me The Hook.
Now, at last, you can visit my CreateSpace e-store and order The Bellman Chronicles. If you are so inclined, the Amazon.com version, Kindle edition and other channels will be open within 5 to 7 days.
Again, thank you to everyone who helped make this dream a reality. Now the real battle begins, convincing millions of readers to put down their copies of Twilight, The Hunger Games and Fifty Shades of Grey and give my “work” a chance!
#114: Summertime Stupidity!
Of course, stupidity thrives all-year round, but something about the blistering hot days of summer seems to really bring out the terrible in people.
Like the yahoos who wear long-sleeve shirts and jeans while walking around declaring, “Hey, how about this heat, right?”
I hate those guys.
TERRIBLE!
AND NOW, A LITTLE SHAMELESS SELF-PROMOTION…
TOP TEN REASONS TO BUY THE BELLMAN CHRONICLES
10. YOU WON’T HAVE TO LEAVE YOUR HOUSE TO LAUGH AT OTHER PEOPLE.
9. IT’S CHEAPER THAN BEER AND THE CHEAP GLUE BINDING WILLSTILL GIVE YOU A BUZZ.
8. TWO WORDS: NO VAMPIRES!
7. THE AUTHOR IS SO POOR, THE PURCHASE COUNTS AS A CHARITABLE DONATION.
6. IT DOES NOT CONTAIN FIFTY SHADES OF ANYTHING.
5. IT WILL MAKE YOU FEEL BETTER ABOUT YOURSELF TO READ ABOUT SOMEONE WHO IS REALLY SUFFERING…
4. THERE IS NO MATH REQUIRED.
3. YOU DON’T HAVE TO TIP YOUR BELLMAN AFTERWARDS.
2. THERE ARE NO RACIAL OVERTONES…EVERYONE GETS MADE FUN OF.
1. ITS CHEAPER THAN TAKING AN ACTUAL VACATION.
Available now on Amazon.com and the Kindle.
HEY, CHECK OUT MY NEW LOGO!
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Posted in Humor, Life, Postaweek2012, Social Commentary, Terrible Things, Uncategorized
Tagged Amazon Kindle, Amazon.com, summer, summertime, The Bellman Chronicles