News broke today htat Matt Lauer, currently the host of NBC’s Today show, is being fitted for a regulation network noose. He appears to be the fall guy – and not the cool Lee Majors type, either – for an entire morning show.
Only a week after he signed the most lucrative deal in the 60-year history of boring morning shows, The Today show fell to second place in the ratings.
For the first time in 16 years.
Today’s ratings took an even greater hit when co-host Ann Curry was axed this summer, an act many pinned on Lauer.
Lauer’s “Q Score” — a measurement of his popularity with the viewing public — has dropped by more than 50% since he first co-hosted with Curry. In September, Lauer’s Q Score was 19. As of January of this year it had plummeted to a nine.
The biggest strike against Lauer, at least in my opinion? Managers at NBC News were told this week that they would receive smaller bonus checks for 2012 because of the Today show ratings slump.
Mess with the revenue flow of a douchebag in a suit and you’re signing your own death warrant, Matt.
Here then, are ten job options for Matt, should the axe truly fall on his ridiculously overpaid neck.
1) Fox News Corespondent. In spite of everything, he still beats the stuffing out of Sarah Palin.
2) Handler for Lindsay Lohan. He could ensure she wears panties when she goes out, that she stays on the right side of the road, and he could screen calls from her dad. He could even hold her head up over the toilet as she vomits. Hey, someone has to do it…
3) Kardashian baby nanny. Someone has to teach the little devil spawn how to be rich and simultaneously unsuccessful.
4) Wing man for Tiger Woods. I think they’d make quite the pair, don’t you?
5) Late-night Talk Show host. Jimmy Kimmel appears to be the most reviled host in late-night history and he’s still on the air, so Lauer may be a perfect fit for the job.
6) Adviser to Kim Jong-Un. North Korea appears to be in the business of creating bombs anyway…
7) He could headline a new show for HBO. Lauer and Al Roker could star in “No Sex In The City.“
8) Bicycle-company executive. He could follow in his late father’s footsteps. Of course, Matt appears to be better at taking the wheels off of things…
9) Bryant Gumbel’s butler.
10) Saturday Night Live cast member. He’s already the punchline of many a joke…..