Category Archives: Music

#129: Couples You Love To Hate!

Sometimes Fate just likes to screw with us.

No other explanation can possibly account for those all-too common instances in which two truly despicable human beings decide to combine their negative energies to create a truly terrifying coupling.

Case in point…

Notice how she only has eyes for the camera? How about this one?

How could these two ever expect to love another human being as much as they love themselves?

Of course, its not just celebrities that should be held accountable for this crime against humanity; I’ve known plenty of “non-famous” couples that have become infamous in their little circles for being the Couple We Love To Hate. They make people shudder every time they crawl into a room as individuals, never mind as a duo! I’m talking about the type of person who calls out their own name during sex!

No one seems willing to stand up to them – not that it would do much good… Crazy people – or the criminally insane , for that matter – never think they’re crazy!

And they say opposites attract. If only that was always the case.

#130: Miley Cyrus!

Yes, she gets her own specific entry.

She’s just that bad. And that much of a disappointment. From the Disney Channel to The Playboy Channel (it’s inevitable, I’m predicting it right here and now!) she has simply given up, it seems.

Rather than make music or act – she may have sucked at both, but she was trying – she simply wants to take the Kardashian route and be famous for being famous. Sure, she is supposedly recording a new album, but who cares?

This is all the public pays attention to…

And who can blame them?

#143: Zombies.

The Walking Dead

The Walking Dead (Photo credit: Med PhotoBlog)

I can only imagine the uproar this title has caused across the “interweb”.

To be clear, I’m not referring to the undead horde that rampages across AMC’s television masterpiece, The Walking Dead, my focus today is on the millions of living – but just barely – human beings who choose to waste their lives by never realizing their full potential. Look closely and you can actually see the neurons burning out in their eyes.

Most of them don’t even try. You can find them in every corner of our society…

  • The educational system. And it’s not just the students; have you seen some of the teachers lumbering through school hallways these days?
  • Politics. Sarah Palin anyone? And she’s armed!
  • Teenagers. Of course, they could always outgrow their infection… hopefully!
  • Reality television. Kate Gosselin, anyone? And she’s reproduced!
  • The Kardashians. They transcend traditional categorization but they’re evolutionary throwbacks who threaten the very fabric of our society. As you may have guessed, I’m not a fan…
  • Music. The list is seemingly endless; Jessica Simpson, Justin Bieber, Lady Gaga, etc.

I could go on, but I need to get busy drafting an online petition allowing for a government sanctioned “living zombie culling”.

I think its about time, don’t you?

#148: Magazines That Have All Lost All Their Creativity!

As if I didn’t have enough to worry about with the Kardashians polluting the television landscape, now I have to worry about the mental trauma I may suffer from scanning the magazine aisle?

Jessica Simpson is pregnant, but it wasn’t my fault, so why do  I have to suffer? Not only do I have absolutely no desire to see her bulging form spread across Elle magazine, I certainly don’t want to be reminded of the fact the magazine biz has no creativity left in it – at all.

If you’re fortunate enough to have a “star” agree to appear naked on your cover, the least you can do is fire up your creative engine and design something dazzling and ORIGINAL!

But that’s just my opinion. Perhaps women don’t mind being fed the same tired – so, so tired – visuals on a regular basis. Perhaps originality is overrated.

Think about it. I know I will every time I see this concept – and I will again. Count on it.

#149: Celebrity Handlers Who Let Their Clients Run Wild!

Singer/actress/Disney dropout Demi Lovato unleashes her inner bad girl backstage at shows and often trashes dressing rooms “just for the hell of it”.

In an interview with New York City’s Z100 radio station, she says, “I break things. I’ve trashed dressing rooms just for the hell of it. I like to throw things when I’m bored. I was trying to catch the deli meat on the ceiling… it ended up turning into kind of a food fight! I’ve done some pretty rock and roll things that I probably shouldn’t talk about.”

But you do talk about them, don’t you Demi? After all she’s been through – the purging, self-mutilation, girl fights -  you’d think her handlers would have hired an entire team of wranglers armed with tranquilizer rifles ready to shoot her in the ass the moment she wanders off-script, right?

She unleashes her “inner bad girl”? Does this chick even have a “good girl”?

English: Demi Lovato at the premiere for Hanna...

Image via Wikipedia

Apparently Lovato likes to  “throw things” when she is at a loose ends and has no qualms about smashing up her surroundings.

Personally, this disgusts me; if Lovato was willing to keep her destructive nature confined to her own surroundings I could tolerate her and even pity her.

But instead this teen  idol with no moral center – or any adults willing to step in and smack her back to the straight and narrow, apparently -  turns around and spits in the face of every fan dumb enough to buy into her transparent “Brittany-wannabe” image.

Of course, considering her current career trajectory, Lovato will be lucky if she can channel Jamie Lynn Spears!

Jamie Lynn Spears, 2007.

#152: People Who Still Think Being A Geek Is A Bad Thing!

Sadly, these people still walk among us, even in 2012.

They think being a fan boy or girl is somehow linked to a person’s social standing or worth; as if an individual who stands in line for hours – or even days – to get into a convention is any different than someone who lines up for concert tickets or to get into a Coach store.

Personally, I have more respect for the young lady who spends her cash on a convention ticket that will lead to lifelong memories than the vapid, soulless wench who spends $300 of Daddy’s money on a purse!

Nevertheless, the terms “geek” and fan boy’ will forever be linked to individuals who..

  • Refuse to leave Mom’s basement. What if she’s a really great cook?
  • Have never had a real date that didn’t charge them.
  • Just can’t seem to purchase t-shirts without a licensed character adorning the front or back.
  • Refuse to immerse themselves in the ordinary.

Well, I’ll tell you something, folks, The Hook is proud to call himself a fan boy – even at 42! In those four decades, I have…

  • Lived on my own. But I’ll take a meal from Mom anytime!
  • Never paid for “romance”.
  • Purchased run-of-the-mill clothing as well as superhero themed apparel. I just wear the Flash t-shirts underneath!
  • Lived a life of balance; I just take the family with me to the comic conventions. The wife loves to meet actors who portray vampires!

I mentioned the year for a reason folks; in 2012 fan boys have achieved the following…

  • They’ve created a venue that sells over 130,000 tickets six months in advance of opening. The San Diego Comic-Con International has become the place to be for Hollywood execs searching for the next big franchise or to launch new projects. 
    San Diego Comic-Con International

    Image via Wikipedia


  • The young geeks who have left Mom’s basement are the new wave of filmmakers whose projects bring in big bucks for Tinsel Town.
  • These same fan boys and girls are no longer dependent upon hookers for dates. Although they can now afford the really classy ones!
  • Comics and sci-fi projects have influenced pop culture and even fashion for years now. Yes, even fashion!
  • It’s now cool for a musician or screenwriter to say they’re working on the next Batman or Spiderman flick!
    English: Emma Stone at the 2011 San Diego Comi...

    Image via Wikipedia

    And finally….

  • Actors actually WANT to be cast in superhero films! They lead to franchises which ensure a steady paycheck for years. What’s not to  like?

ON A PERSONAL NOTE…

Niagara Falls Comic-Con 2012

June 9. 2012 10 A.M – 7 P.M.
Scotiabank Convention Centre
Niagara Falls. Ontario. Canada

For full details, click here, fan boys and girls!

Related articles

#153: Paris Hilton’s Latest “Musical” Onslaught!

Oops, she did it again.

Oh wait, that was that Spears chick, wasn’t it?

At any rate, Paris Hilton has released a new single from her latest as-yet unreleased second studio album. Or did she? A copy of what was billed as  Hilton’s new single surfaced online recently, only to be removed just two hours later.

Why?

The song called Drunk Text features Hilton speaking in a monotone over a beat from electro duo Manufactured Superstars and was instantly panned by critics and fans alike. A rep for the 31-year-old waste of space, I mean drunken heiress/porn star released the following statement: “We can confirm that the video leaked today is not part of Paris Hilton’s new album. This video was recorded over a year ago. The first single will be out in a few months, we will let everyone know when it’s due for release.”

Hilton revealed last month that she was working on a new album with Snoop Dogg, LMFAO and Flo Rida which was being produced by her boyfriend Afrojack.

I have to say, this line-up does not impress me; these people are whiter than Paris Hilton! I guess Paris just can’t stand to watch the Kardashians tear society down with their various assaults upon the senses.

Paris (Paris Hilton album)

Image via Wikipedia

She could always star in another sex tape, perhaps a girl-on-girl feature – with better lighting and production values!

#161: The Old “Any Publicity is Good Publicity” Philosophy…

 For celebrities, it seems the easiest – and most direct – way to revive your image is to screw up.
  • Fran Drescher was ridiculed for recently declaring she and her gay ex-husband Peter Marc Jacobson were drawn to each other because they both had extra-terrestrial encounters when they were younger. The never-to-be-relevant-again star insists it was a gag that was misunderstood.
  • Halle Berry was urged by the L.A. County Department of Children and Family Services to undergo counselling in order to be a better parent to the child she is currently battling her ex over.
  • Demi Moore was rushed to the hospital after a 911 call was placed from her home saying she had “smoked something” and was “shaking,” “semi-conscious” and “burning up.”  While some have speculated Moore abused the drug “spice,” others have suggested she inhaled nitrous oxide, laughing gas to those of us not starring in The Big Bang Theory.

The three starlets have found themselves back in the public eye for everything but their chosen vocation. And they’re not alone.

TMZ - every celebrity’s worst nightmare -  recently released these pictures of Miley Cyrus, the former apple of the Walt Disney Company’s corporate eye. Be warned: they’re not for the puritanical among you…

She was throwing a 22nd birthday party for her Aussie boyfriend in downtown LA… including a giant, penis shaped cake. Right now you’re asking yourself, “But Hook, what kind of loser allows his girlfriend to give him a giant chocolate penis cake at his very-public birthday party? That would be Liam “I swear I’m straight” Hemsworth.

I really struggled with myself over this one; “Do I release the unedited pics or not?” But since I’ve been an advocate of a cleaner media machine, I elected to take the high road.

It’s a shame Hannah Montana can’t say the same.

Don’t these people have agents to drum up projects for them? Or a team of handlers to keep them out of trouble? Or even money managers to invest their earnings so they have something to tide them over when it all comes crashing down?

of course, I originally wrote this post before the biggest celebrity train wreck in recent memory – Sheen and the Kardashians can’t even touch this one – Whitney Houston’s tragic fall from grace.

Just Whitney

Image via Wikipedia

It was a slow burn, one that ended with what most are calling an inevitable end; the discovery of her lifeless body in a hotel bathtub.

Four floors below, at a party held in her honor, a horde of clueless morons partied on like nothing out of the ordinary had happened.

But something certainly had. To further prove my point, look to Houston’s record sales since her untimely demise.

Nielsen SoundScan has released sales data for Houston’s music for the week ending Feb. 12; consumers purchased 101,000 copies of her albums, presumably since the announcement of her death Saturday afternoon.  That’s quite the difference from the week ending Feb. 5, when 1,700 Whitney Houston albums were sold. Many more digital albums — 91,000 — were purchased than physical albums, which moved 10,000 units. (In the previous week, Houston sold 1,000 physical albums versus 500 digital albums.)

The biggest-selling album of the week was the 2000 compilation “Whitney: Greatest Hits,” which sold 64,000 units in the week ending Feb. 12, versus a mere 600 (!) the previous week.

Just think about that for a minute. Houston was declared dead Saturday afternoon; that means the majority of these sales took place between that evening and Sunday at midnight. An artist dies and people respond by purchasing their music? Did these people suddenly remember how talented Whitney was and how much they loved her work? She could have faked her death for a day and made a small fortune!

Whitney’s classic rock ‘n roll demise has drawn out dozens of washed-up celebrities from every corner of Hollywood; each of them fully aware of the demand for interviews with anyone connected to the fallen diva.

I’d like to close with a witty punchline, but I just realized this post has just drawn even more attention to a group of people who truly don’t deserve it. Even Whitney should just be left in peace.

#164: The Circus That Follows The Descent Of A Fallen Star….

Personally, I haven’t thought of her in years.

I think that goes for most of us.

But the moment Whitney Houston was found unresponsive in her hotel room at the Beverly Hilton Hotel by a member of her entourage, that all changed.

Now I can’t stop thinking about her – and the media circus that has already erupted in full force. Newscasters will praise her while their colleagues in entertainment will focus on her darker side. Stars and fellow singers, many of whom disavowed her years ago, will kiss her ass; even though it’s no longer there  be kissed.  

The surefire way to become a temporary saint in Hollywood? Die.

File:Whitney Houston Welcome Heroes 7 cropped.JPEG

Houston performing "Saving All My Love for You" on the Welcome Home Heroes concert in 1991

Details are still sketchy; paramedics were called and they tried to perform CPR on her, but it did not work and she was pronounced dead at 3:55PM PST. She was to attend Clive Davis‘ annual pre-Grammy party at the Beverly Hilton Hotel Saturday night. There are reports Houston had spoken to her cousin Dionne Warwick and mother Cissy Houston just before her death about attending the party and that everything seemed fine.

The vultures at TMZ are reporting the singer’s daughter Bobbi Kristina got into an angry shouting match with police officers outside the room she was found in. According to TMZ’s “law enforcement sources” … Bobbi Kristina showed up on the 4th floor of the Beverly Hilton several hours after Whitney’s death. When officers informed her no one was allowed to see the body – she screamed, cursed and demanded to see her mother. Ultimately, she was not allowed into the room and left. Apparently Dionne Warwick also showed up later. She too was turned away by officers.

These sorts of details are going to bubble to the surface over the course of the next few days. get ready to hear “I Will Always Love You” a million times, as well. The media is already referring to Houston in the following manner: “Whitney Houston, who reigned as pop music’s queen until her majestic voice and regal image were ravaged by drug use, erratic behavior and a tumultuous marriage to singer Bobby Brown, has died. She was 48.”

All the gory details of her descent will be  in the spotlight..

  • She was booed during the Soul Train Awards in 1989.
  • “Sometimes it gets down to that, you know?” she told Katie Couric in 1996. “You’re not black enough for them. I don’t know. You’re not R&B enough. You’re very pop. The white audience has taken you away from them.”
  • She was so startlingly thin during a 2001 Michael Jackson tribute concert that rumors spread she had died the next day. Her crude behavior and jittery appearance on Brown’s reality show was an example of her sad decline.
  • Her Diane Sawyer interview, where she declared “crack is whack,” was often parodied. She dropped out of the spotlight for a few years.
  •  A concert to promote a new album on Good Morning America went awry as Houston’s voice sounded ragged and off-key. She blamed an interview with Oprah for straining her voice.
  • A world tour launched overseas, but that only confirmed suspicions that she had lost her treasured gift, as she failed to hit notes and left many fans unimpressed; some walked out. Canceled concert dates raised speculation that she may have been abusing drugs, but she denied those claims and said she was in great shape, blaming illness for cancellations.

If these facts upset you, then change the channel or click away for the next few days; the media and the world in general won’t be backing down anytime soon. Her music is untouchable; it will stand the test of time.

It’s her humanity – in all it’s flawed glory – that’s going to be dissected over and over. 

#167: The Latest Super Bowl Controversy…

So M.I.A. flipped the bird during the Super Bowl.

So what?

M.I.A.

Getty Images

 To clarify, it was an extended middle finger during the performance of Madonna’s new single, Give Me All Your Luvin. In days of old, Madonna would just take the bull by the horns and create her own controversy by shoving her tongue down the young, willing, nubile throats of Christina Aguilera and Britney Spears.

How the slutty have fallen.

Back to the Super Bowl; the NFL and NBC wasted little time in bending over, I mean responding.

“The obscene gesture in the performance was completely inappropriate, very disappointing and we apologise to our fans,” said Brian McCarthy, spokesman for the NFL, which produced Madonna’s halftime show.

Lot of balls on this McCarthy clown, right?

I refuse to believe M.I.A. offended anyone that wasn’t already disturbed to begin with. Let’s remember one thing people… 

IT’S ROCK ‘n ROLL, BABY! IT’S SUPPOSED TO BE OUT OF CONTROL AND IN YOUR FACE!

Did we learn nothing from Jim Morrison?

The kiss between Britney and MadonnaThe kiss between Madonna and ChristinaBritney Spears, Madonna, and Christina Aguilera at the Video Music Awards