#117: Summer Movie Crowds!

Let me just say this: I love the movies. Seriously.

Here’s why:

• Anything is possible, “You will believe a man can fly!” And we did.
• Sharing the whole big-screen experience with a room full of strangers rocks – most of the time.
• Popcorn rules! Period.

However, this isn’t The Book of Awesome, so let’s get to the terrible things that surround the summer movie experience, shall we?

• The lines… that… never… end! Lines for tickets, concessions, lines for everything it seems!
• Crazy concession prices. Yes, they’re the same all-year round, but when you seem to spend extra cash in the summer $50 for food really hurts!
• Chatty Cathys! Sure, I know you’re filled with summertime energy, but just shut it for two hours, okay? You want to yak your head off? Do it back at the hospital, you nut jobs!
• That one fat guy who eats like Godzilla devouring Tokyo!
• Crazed, giggly teen girls! They’re a subsection of the Chatty Cathys and a truly annoying one at that!

And you know what else really sucks about the movies these days? The near-extinction of the old time movie house. I miss the character surrounding these places, don’t you?

Multiplexes just can’t compete….

But I’m showing my age, so its time to go. Until we meet again, try to stay cool okay?

AVAILABLE NOW!

The Kindle version is still in the works, but here’s the Amazon link for the “old fashioned” print version…

Related articles

• Our Favorite Movie Theatre Experiences (mrmovietimes.com)

#119: Crazy Neighbors… And A Milestone!

Let’s see…

• There’s a man, once a respected business leader and pillar of the community, who now speaks to his grass and barks back at noisy dogs.
• A family of five seems to determined to give me a heart attack by allowing me to witness an endless stream of near-accidents. I’ve heard of kids climbing the walls, but not the roof!
• The most disturbing incident began with a garage fire – just picture Randy Quaid in Christmas Vacation dumping his RVs septic tank, but with a garage in flames – and ended with a double homicide. Seriously.

Yes, neighbors rule… We need human contact, but at what cost?

Oh well, at least my street isn’t boring…

As for the milestone… I’ve crossed 200,000 views! A bit late for that announcement, I know, but I’ve been busy! Speaking of which, The Belllman Chronicles is truly “live” on Amazon.com and the Kindle version is coming soon. I hope!

 

#127: Kanye West Wants to Build a Theme Park.

Do I really need to say anything about this?

I mean, this concept alone is capable of generating more than a few hilarious – and disturbing -  thoughts in your head, right? Can you imagine the Kim Kardashian-inspired ride? 

Of course, plenty of people have already rode the Kim Kardashina ride.. If you know what I mean? If not, she’s slept with a lot of guys. She’s even filmed at least one encounter – that we know of, that is.

The ‘Stronger’ rapper, who has previously ventured into film making, creating a women’s fashion line and opening a restaurant chain — and building the biggest ego in the entertainment industry – wants to use his Donda design company to create a leisure resort that will “change entertainment experiences.”

“I want to work on cities, I want to work on amusement parks, I want to change entertainment experiences or life. Something like if [late designer Alexander] McQueen or [filmmaker] Tarsem Singh was to meet the entertainment value of a Cirque du Soleil or a Walt Disney. With the Donda company, this is our first installation.”

The 34-year-old moron… I mean “musician” _ I guess – recently admitted he hopes his film Cruel Summer — which has little dialogue, a musical score and seven screens depicting different images — will revolutionize the cinema going experience.

Hasn’t he done enough damage already?

This coupling alone has damaged my psyche – already overrun by  celebrity nonsense – irreparably.

I’m beginning to think Kanye hates white people…

Related articles

• Kanye West Debuts New Film Experience (1015jamz.cbslocal.com)
• Kanye West Wants To Build His Own Disneyland!! (lukewilliamsgossip.wordpress.com)

#137: Waiting For My Favorite Heroes To Assemble…

Do you realize I still have four more sleeps until Marvel Studios allows the Avengers to assemble at my local Cineplex theatre?

Marvel Studios (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

 I have been waiting for this film since I was an actual fanboy, never mind a forty-year-old father! I need the diversion and the emotional boost that can only come from watching one’s childhood heroes brought to life on the big screen more than ever these days.

 Wish me luck on my vigil, will you?

 

The Avengers (2012 film) (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

 

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• Video: Does The Avengers Live Up to the Hype? Find Out! (popsugar.com)
• Film Review: Avengers Assemble (nataliestendall.com)

#152: People Who Still Think Being A Geek Is A Bad Thing!

Sadly, these people still walk among us, even in 2012.

They think being a fan boy or girl is somehow linked to a person’s social standing or worth; as if an individual who stands in line for hours – or even days – to get into a convention is any different than someone who lines up for concert tickets or to get into a Coach store.

Personally, I have more respect for the young lady who spends her cash on a convention ticket that will lead to lifelong memories than the vapid, soulless wench who spends $300 of Daddy’s money on a purse!

Nevertheless, the terms “geek” and fan boy’ will forever be linked to individuals who..

• Refuse to leave Mom’s basement. What if she’s a really great cook?
• Have never had a real date that didn’t charge them.
• Just can’t seem to purchase t-shirts without a licensed character adorning the front or back.
• Refuse to immerse themselves in the ordinary.

Well, I’ll tell you something, folks, The Hook is proud to call himself a fan boy – even at 42! In those four decades, I have…

• Lived on my own. But I’ll take a meal from Mom anytime!
• Never paid for “romance”.
• Purchased run-of-the-mill clothing as well as superhero themed apparel. I just wear the Flash t-shirts underneath!
• Lived a life of balance; I just take the family with me to the comic conventions. The wife loves to meet actors who portray vampires!

I mentioned the year for a reason folks; in 2012 fan boys have achieved the following…

• They’ve created a venue that sells over 130,000 tickets six months in advance of opening. The San Diego Comic-Con International has become the place to be for Hollywood execs searching for the next big franchise or to launch new projects. 
  

  Image via Wikipedia

  
  

• The young geeks who have left Mom’s basement are the new wave of filmmakers whose projects bring in big bucks for Tinsel Town.
• These same fan boys and girls are no longer dependent upon hookers for dates. Although they can now afford the really classy ones!
• Comics and sci-fi projects have influenced pop culture and even fashion for years now. Yes, even fashion!
• It’s now cool for a musician or screenwriter to say they’re working on the next Batman or Spiderman flick!
  

  Image via Wikipedia

  And finally….

• Actors actually WANT to be cast in superhero films! They lead to franchises which ensure a steady paycheck for years. What’s not to  like?

ON A PERSONAL NOTE…

June 9. 2012 10 A.M – 7 P.M.
Scotiabank Convention Centre
Niagara Falls. Ontario. Canada

For full details, click here, fan boys and girls!

Related articles

• How Much Does Comic-Con Make For San Diego? (celebritynetworth.com)
• Comic-Con Episode IV: A Fan’s Hope documentary trailer debuts (robot6.comicbookresources.com)
• Morgan Spurlock’s Comic-Con Episode IV: A Fan’s Hope Documentary Trailer (firewireblog.com)
• The Hook Misses All The Good Stuff! (youvebeenhooked.wordpress.com)

#154: The Cult of Celebrity!

Just read the following and we’ll talk in a minute, okay?

Angelina (I swear I didn’t make out with my brother!) Jolie’s leg has spawned its own Twitter account.

Seriously.

The social media feed, dubbed “Angie’s Right Leg” had more than 12,000 followers by noon Monday. At the 84th Academy Awards, Jolie sported two amazing accessories: a glamorous black dress featuring a split by the right leg, and a punch-drunk Brad Pit. I use the term “punch-drunk” because I still can’t believe Pitt hasn’t woke up and realized he’s hooked-up with a nut case in the body of a demigoddess.

I’ve always assumed the sex was amazing, but come on! Pitt has obviously been drinking from the same batch of Kool-Aid as Jolie’s followers, one of whom was misguided enough to begin focusing his worship on individual parts of her anatomy.

Of course. it could have been a woman who started this whole mess; Jolie isn’t too particular when it comes to sexual partners, is she?

But I digress.

“Angie” accentuated her gorgeous leg while presenting the award for best adapted screenplay. A quick Google search reveals at least four more occasions throughout the night where she repeated the action. One of the winners of the adapted screenplay category, “The Descendants” co-writer Jim Rash, mocked the pose while accepting his award.

The joke was on him, and all bloggers, for that matter; The Hook’s Twitter account has less than 60 followers!

Most of what Jolie’s leg has to say is fairly simple-minded. Sample tweets include “I’m a leg!” and “Look at the leg!

I have nothing further; my brain has begun to melt.

Related articles

• Angelina Jolie at the Oscars: Too Skinny? (thehollywoodgossip.com)
• Angelina Jolie’s Oscar Leg Pose Gets Mocked, Memed: VIDEO (towleroad.com)

#161: The Old “Any Publicity is Good Publicity” Philosophy…

 For celebrities, it seems the easiest – and most direct – way to revive your image is to screw up.

• Fran Drescher was ridiculed for recently declaring she and her gay ex-husband Peter Marc Jacobson were drawn to each other because they both had extra-terrestrial encounters when they were younger. The never-to-be-relevant-again star insists it was a gag that was misunderstood.
• Halle Berry was urged by the L.A. County Department of Children and Family Services to undergo counselling in order to be a better parent to the child she is currently battling her ex over.
• Demi Moore was rushed to the hospital after a 911 call was placed from her home saying she had “smoked something” and was “shaking,” “semi-conscious” and “burning up.”  While some have speculated Moore abused the drug “spice,” others have suggested she inhaled nitrous oxide, laughing gas to those of us not starring in The Big Bang Theory.

The three starlets have found themselves back in the public eye for everything but their chosen vocation. And they’re not alone.

TMZ - every celebrity’s worst nightmare -  recently released these pictures of Miley Cyrus, the former apple of the Walt Disney Company’s corporate eye. Be warned: they’re not for the puritanical among you…

She was throwing a 22nd birthday party for her Aussie boyfriend in downtown LA… including a giant, penis shaped cake. Right now you’re asking yourself, “But Hook, what kind of loser allows his girlfriend to give him a giant chocolate penis cake at his very-public birthday party? That would be Liam “I swear I’m straight” Hemsworth.

I really struggled with myself over this one; “Do I release the unedited pics or not?” But since I’ve been an advocate of a cleaner media machine, I elected to take the high road.

It’s a shame Hannah Montana can’t say the same.

Don’t these people have agents to drum up projects for them? Or a team of handlers to keep them out of trouble? Or even money managers to invest their earnings so they have something to tide them over when it all comes crashing down?

of course, I originally wrote this post before the biggest celebrity train wreck in recent memory – Sheen and the Kardashians can’t even touch this one – Whitney Houston’s tragic fall from grace.

Image via Wikipedia

It was a slow burn, one that ended with what most are calling an inevitable end; the discovery of her lifeless body in a hotel bathtub.

Four floors below, at a party held in her honor, a horde of clueless morons partied on like nothing out of the ordinary had happened.

But something certainly had. To further prove my point, look to Houston’s record sales since her untimely demise.

Nielsen SoundScan has released sales data for Houston’s music for the week ending Feb. 12; consumers purchased 101,000 copies of her albums, presumably since the announcement of her death Saturday afternoon.  That’s quite the difference from the week ending Feb. 5, when 1,700 Whitney Houston albums were sold. Many more digital albums — 91,000 — were purchased than physical albums, which moved 10,000 units. (In the previous week, Houston sold 1,000 physical albums versus 500 digital albums.)

The biggest-selling album of the week was the 2000 compilation “Whitney: Greatest Hits,” which sold 64,000 units in the week ending Feb. 12, versus a mere 600 (!) the previous week.

Just think about that for a minute. Houston was declared dead Saturday afternoon; that means the majority of these sales took place between that evening and Sunday at midnight. An artist dies and people respond by purchasing their music? Did these people suddenly remember how talented Whitney was and how much they loved her work? She could have faked her death for a day and made a small fortune!

Whitney’s classic rock ‘n roll demise has drawn out dozens of washed-up celebrities from every corner of Hollywood; each of them fully aware of the demand for interviews with anyone connected to the fallen diva.

I’d like to close with a witty punchline, but I just realized this post has just drawn even more attention to a group of people who truly don’t deserve it. Even Whitney should just be left in peace.

#164: The Circus That Follows The Descent Of A Fallen Star….

Personally, I haven’t thought of her in years.

I think that goes for most of us.

But the moment Whitney Houston was found unresponsive in her hotel room at the Beverly Hilton Hotel by a member of her entourage, that all changed.

Now I can’t stop thinking about her – and the media circus that has already erupted in full force. Newscasters will praise her while their colleagues in entertainment will focus on her darker side. Stars and fellow singers, many of whom disavowed her years ago, will kiss her ass; even though it’s no longer there  be kissed.  

The surefire way to become a temporary saint in Hollywood? Die.

Houston performing "Saving All My Love for You" on the Welcome Home Heroes concert in 1991

Details are still sketchy; paramedics were called and they tried to perform CPR on her, but it did not work and she was pronounced dead at 3:55PM PST. She was to attend Clive Davis‘ annual pre-Grammy party at the Beverly Hilton Hotel Saturday night. There are reports Houston had spoken to her cousin Dionne Warwick and mother Cissy Houston just before her death about attending the party and that everything seemed fine.

The vultures at TMZ are reporting the singer’s daughter Bobbi Kristina got into an angry shouting match with police officers outside the room she was found in. According to TMZ’s “law enforcement sources” … Bobbi Kristina showed up on the 4th floor of the Beverly Hilton several hours after Whitney’s death. When officers informed her no one was allowed to see the body – she screamed, cursed and demanded to see her mother. Ultimately, she was not allowed into the room and left. Apparently Dionne Warwick also showed up later. She too was turned away by officers.

These sorts of details are going to bubble to the surface over the course of the next few days. get ready to hear “I Will Always Love You” a million times, as well. The media is already referring to Houston in the following manner: “Whitney Houston, who reigned as pop music’s queen until her majestic voice and regal image were ravaged by drug use, erratic behavior and a tumultuous marriage to singer Bobby Brown, has died. She was 48.”

All the gory details of her descent will be  in the spotlight..

• She was booed during the Soul Train Awards in 1989.
• “Sometimes it gets down to that, you know?” she told Katie Couric in 1996. “You’re not black enough for them. I don’t know. You’re not R&B enough. You’re very pop. The white audience has taken you away from them.”
• She was so startlingly thin during a 2001 Michael Jackson tribute concert that rumors spread she had died the next day. Her crude behavior and jittery appearance on Brown’s reality show was an example of her sad decline.
• Her Diane Sawyer interview, where she declared “crack is whack,” was often parodied. She dropped out of the spotlight for a few years.
•  A concert to promote a new album on Good Morning America went awry as Houston’s voice sounded ragged and off-key. She blamed an interview with Oprah for straining her voice.
• A world tour launched overseas, but that only confirmed suspicions that she had lost her treasured gift, as she failed to hit notes and left many fans unimpressed; some walked out. Canceled concert dates raised speculation that she may have been abusing drugs, but she denied those claims and said she was in great shape, blaming illness for cancellations.

If these facts upset you, then change the channel or click away for the next few days; the media and the world in general won’t be backing down anytime soon. Her music is untouchable; it will stand the test of time.

It’s her humanity – in all it’s flawed glory – that’s going to be dissected over and over. 

#166: My Lack of Useless Skills!

Why can’t I create something like this?

You have to admit, this is pretty cool.

Yes, George Lucas may indeed be a bastard for releasing The Phantom Menace as a 3-D assault upon the senses  (who rewards their loyal fans for their time and money with garbage like this?) but he may also be a genius. People are going to gobble up this crap  a second time, and they’re going to pay even more than they did the first time! Sounds brilliant to me…

Plus there’s the marketing push that is as aggressive as the Empire itself. As the above pic demonstrates, people are insanely hungry for Star Wars merchandise in any form.

But I digress. I do that.

My point is, whatever creativity I arguably possess is rather limited in scope compared to whoever created this awesome display. Of course, I don’t have the time it took to build this homage to one of cinema’s coolest – and most poorly treated – kick-ass villains.

This guy’s boss would probably kick his ass if not for all the publicity! I actually feel bad for the poor schmuck; no one seems to want to name this guy or include the name of the retail outlet he slaves away at in any of their stories.

Perhaps useless skills aren’t worth envying after all…

#168: When Companies Go Back To The Well…

…of their greatest success – to make even more money.

Watchmen: The Feature-Film tanked – big time. Watchmen: The Groundbreaking Comic Book Series was a ridiculously HUGE success, so while the following press release from DC Comics is a shock in some ways, it makes perfect financial sense.

This summer, DC Entertainment will publish all-new stories expanding on the acclaimed WATCHMEN universe. As highly anticipated as they are controversial, the seven inter-connected prequel mini-series will build on the foundation of the original WATCHMEN, the bestselling graphic novel of all time. BEFORE WATCHMEN will be the collective banner for all seven titles, from DC Comics.

I guess no one at DC has seen..

•  The Star Wars prequels.
• Return to Oz.
• Predator 2.
• Terminator: Salvation.
• Road House 2.
• The Matrix sequels.

Then again, some of these films – especially The Phantom Menace and its ilk – have brought in big bucks for the property-holders, so of course the well is going to be revisited time and again. DC, has of course, taken the high road and said it’s “all about the fans” and the creative growth of the company.

“It’s our responsibility as publishers to find new ways to keep all of our characters relevant,” said DC Entertainment Co-Publishers Dan DiDio and Jim Lee. “After twenty five years, the Watchmen are classic characters whose time has come for new stories to be told. We sought out the best writers and artists in the industry to build on the complex mythology of the original.”

Let’s get one thing straight: I understand DC is in business to make cold, hard cash at superhuman speeds whenever possible. At $3.99 an issue (the current price for DC Comics with back-up stories) the 35 chapters of Before Watchmen will cost $139.65 to read. If they can use some of that money to give back – which they do – then that’s even better, for everyone.

But I’m still shocked. As was Watchmen co-creator Alan Moore who long ago cut ties between himself and DC Comics and the industry at large, and who called the new venture “completely shameless.”

Image via Wikipedia

Mr. Moore told the New York Times, “I tend to take this latest development as a kind of eager confirmation that they are still apparently dependent on ideas that I had 25 years ago.” 

The legendary – and quite frankly, scary-looking -  Mr. Moore says that the endeavor only weakens the argument that comics are an authentic form of literature.

“As far as I know,” he said, “there weren’t that many prequels or sequels to ‘Moby-Dick.’ ” While he was unaware of DC’s specific plans for Before Watchmen, – no surprise given Moore’s public bashing of most of the film versions of his work – Mr. Moore said he has over the years resisted overtures from the publisher to approve sequel or prequel projects. Still, he says he won’t stand in the way of Before Watchmen or fight the project in court, where he said DC Comics would meet him with an “infinite battery of lawyers.”

Apparently the legal system is Moore’s kryptonite.

Related articles

• DC Comics Launching ‘Watchmen’ Prequel Series [Updated] (screenrant.com)
• Debate over ‘Before Watchmen’ (geekout.blogs.cnn.com)
• It’s About Time – Watchmen Prequels in the Works (eonline.com)
• Comic Book Fans, Rejoice! Watchmen Is Getting A Prequel Series! (perezhilton.com)