1) I’ll keep this short; I just popped three Viagras and I’m ready to partay!
2) This morning, when I untied the bride, we both mentioned how excited we were for this day….
3) I can’t believe I’m finally a best man! Too bad about the groom’s brother had that “hunting accident” (raises hands in air quotes), right?
4) I promised I wouldn’t drink, but heroin is cool, right?
5) You don’t want to sit through another boring speech, so here are some clips of the bachelor party last night!
6) I just want to say I’m still pissed that my fellow groomsmen left me with the tab for the hookers and blow last night!
7) Can’t stay long; I’m meeting the bride’s mom and sister in the cloak room.
8) I have to tell you, the groom is a lucky man. Three words about the bride: no gag reflex!
9) Whose wedding is this anyway? I’m wasted!
10) This wedding has been great so far. I just hope the bride and groom hurry things up; I have two months in the divorce pool!