Kimye, aka Kim Kardashian and Kanye West, aka the Heralds of the Cultural Apocalypse, haven’t revealed the gender of their unborn baby, due in July, but here are my thoughts on the little spawn’s first words upon entering the world for the first time.
1) ”Kneel before Zod!” (Not exactly applicable, I know, but I couldn’t resist.)
2) ”Wassup, bitches!”
3) ”When does my show start?”
4) (After taking a look at his/her/it’s family for the first time.) “I thought Bruce Jenner was my grandpa, who’s that?”
5) ”Am I on parole already?
6) ”Do I qualify for The Celebrity Apprentice now?”
7) (Immediately after exiting the Kardashian womb.) “You’d never believe how much room there is in there! I hate to leave!”
8) ”Is that black guy my daddy? Isn’t he the one who beat Rhianna?”
9) ”Who has Lindsay Lohan’s number?” (You have to admit, this works regardless of gender.
10) (After taking another look at his/her/it’s family for the first time - again.) ”I should have strangled myself with the umbilical cord.”