I’d love to know exactly who is responsible for unleashing the horror that is the affliction known as the headache on mankind. My money is on
Chris Brown, I mean Satan.
But I digress.
As you’ve no doubt guessed, I am suffering from a ridiculously powerful headache. But my devotion to my readers is more powerful than any headache – so far – so here we go.
A headache is defined as:
1. A pain in the head.
2. Informal Something, such as a problem, that causes annoyance or trouble.
3. Something that keeps The Hook from blogging.
Or does it?
1) A seemingly uncontrollable urge to drill a hole in your head. To let the pain pour out… along with your brain, of course.
2) The desire to vomit. Is there anything worse than throwing up?
3) Other people that actually have the nerve to speak to you. Leave me be; you’ll live longer…. Maybe.
4) A crippling pain that starts at the back of your head and sloooowly spreads through your whole body. I’m 43 now, I don’t need any more aches or pains.
5) A state of desperation that compels you to pray to any deity capable of easing your suffering. If this keeps up, I’ll start praying to the entity that gave Justin Bieber and the Kardashians their success, I swear!
6) Dizzy spells. I feel like a washing machine agitator right now. Or those old men I always see in Walmart. The ones who couldn’t score a scooter. The poor devils are always turning left, then right, then left, then - you get the idea.
7) An impaired state of being. Why oh why, did I start a blog post about headaches while I have a headache?
8) Blurred vision. I’m currently writing three posts… simultaneously.
9) They always strike when you’re working. Always. My two days off? Headache-free, of course.
10) The power of aspirin is an old wives tale. Seriously, I’m dying here!
This concludes our time together, folks. Now if you’ll excuse me. I’m going to look for a quiet, dark corner to die in….