1) The aftereffects of chocolate. You spend $50 and in two months you hear “Your Valentine’s gift made me fat, you idiot!
2) The fight to find something other than chocolates to give your best gal. Good luck, you poor bastard.
3) The quest to find a best gal. Thank God I’ve already duped a woman into marrying me.
4) The sickening jewellery commercials. “Spend three months salary on our latest glittery piece of crap or she’ll leave you – for your sister.”
5) Finding time to celebrate Valentine’s Day. Work. Shopping. Hockey practice. Recitals. Exhaustion.
6) Booking a restaurant that isn’t booked full of romantic suckers like you who were smart enough to make the reservation months ago. This one speaks for itself, I think.
7) Two words: erectile dysfunction. If it’s ever going to happen, this is the time. After all, Irony is a heartless bitch.
8) Reading countless Valentine’s Day posts that bloggers feel obliged to write. It’s a drag, I know…
9) Gifts that haunt you – forever. Two years ago, I bought the wife a Twilight Valentine’s Day card that spits out sound bites from Edward and Jacob when opened. She loved it. She opens it before bed. Every. Single. Night.
10) I’ve got nothin’. I’m going to find a bunker and wait Valentine’s Day out. Pray for me…
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You just made me laugh so hard. Especially the Twilight card!!
Thanks, Mel!
You can always strip.
I don’t want to blind my wife, Pixie Girl!
You’ll be fine Hook! Just write a cute little love note!
Actually, we’ve been so busy being parents today that we haven’t had time to be husband and wife!
Bu that’s all right, we’re good.
Susie’s right. A sweet love note is always a winner, Robert. But Valentine’s Day is a bitch, that’s for sure.
Oh yeah!
I remember working in NF on this horrid day of love – and the many sappy wedding proposals! Yuck! I remember sticking the wedding ring in their dessert and I hoped she would choke on it!
She didn’t and I don’t know if they lived happily ever after.
Thanks for sharing, Jennifer!
Jewelry commercials are bad ANY time of year. There’s no V-Day exclusivity to this one.
Oddly, I think my wife bought me a Twilight card last year.
If I were a man, those jewellery commercials would scare me to death.
And #9, I’m so sorry.
Yeah, there’s a dark side to some gifts…
Love it, especially the card. Do you know how annoying it when you’re doing the card display and kids come along and open Every. Single. Noise card. For half an our while mum shops elsewhere… I feel your pain. And you went and bought one. Sucker! Happy Thursday.
Thanks, Jennifer!
I love your style!
I’ve yet to figure out why this is an actual holiday.
Me too.
Twilight card – those singing chatty never shutting up cards.
Great for revenge.
Have a great Valentines Day
(and that obligatory writing….why is that pressure there? Why?)
Why, indeed?
Thank you for the first laugh I’ve had today. It is 930 pm here despite what your clock says.
. Funny post.
You’re welcome. Thanks for the continued support.
7 is a cruel thing to happen after a chocolate pudding and a glass of fizzy wine. Espeically with a rose shoved up your crack for comedic effect. Brilliant!
It rubbed off from hanging around you, buddy!
I prayed for you. Did it help?
It never hurts…