1) The aftereffects of chocolate. You spend $50 and in two months you hear “Your Valentine’s gift made me fat, you idiot!
2) The fight to find something other than chocolates to give your best gal. Good luck, you poor bastard.
3) The quest to find a best gal. Thank God I’ve already duped a woman into marrying me.
4) The sickening jewellery commercials. “Spend three months salary on our latest glittery piece of crap or she’ll leave you – for your sister.”
5) Finding time to celebrate Valentine’s Day. Work. Shopping. Hockey practice. Recitals. Exhaustion.
6) Booking a restaurant that isn’t booked full of romantic suckers like you who were smart enough to make the reservation months ago. This one speaks for itself, I think.
7) Two words: erectile dysfunction. If it’s ever going to happen, this is the time. After all, Irony is a heartless bitch.
8) Reading countless Valentine’s Day posts that bloggers feel obliged to write. It’s a drag, I know…
9) Gifts that haunt you – forever. Two years ago, I bought the wife a Twilight Valentine’s Day card that spits out sound bites from Edward and Jacob when opened. She loved it. She opens it before bed. Every. Single. Night.
10) I’ve got nothin’. I’m going to find a bunker and wait Valentine’s Day out. Pray for me…