Ten Terrible Things About... Beyoncé.

Personally, I don’t have an actual opinion one way or another about the world’s celebrity target-of-the-month, but since the eyes of the world are on her right now, let’s join in, shall we?

1)  She makes the Boogeyman look like the Easter Bunny. She’s scaring children all over the world with those “unflattering” photos. Kids have enough to deal with these days between Justin Bieber and Red Bull addictions. Leave the children in peace, Beyoncé!

2)  She’s rich. Not only that, but she’s ridiculously rich. And us poor folk hate that, right?

3)  Peta wants to make an outfit made from her skin. “We would take a bet that if Beyoncé watched our video exposés, she’d probably not want to be seen again in anything made of snakes, lizards, rabbits or other animals who died painfully,” Peta said in a statement. “Today’s fashions are trending toward humane vegan options, and Beyoncé’s Super Bowl outfit missed the mark on that score.” Oh snap.

I guess she should have worn an outfit made of hundred dollar bills…

4)  Her ear lobes are worth more than most people will make in their lifetime. Before she hit the stage to perform the National Anthem at President Obama’s Inauguration last month, she reportedly couldn’t find her $1.8 million Lorraine Schwartz emerald earrings! Personally I think she swallowed them so she could make the claim that even her poop is virtually priceless…

5)  The US Marine Corp band is not willing to dance to the beat of her drum. The marines sold out Beyoncé and ignited the hate campaign currently underway by admitting the singer lip synched her way through the inauguration. So let me get this straight, Beyoncé: you can afford million-dollar earrings, but you can’t afford to throw a few bucks at the marines to keep their regimented lips shut? Would have been money well spent if you ask me…

6)  She lip-syncs. I expect that from Britney, but Beyoncé? As I’ve said, I really don’t care, but a little effort could have made all the difference in the world. Laziness irks me. I find it irksome.

7)  She makes Wonder Woman look like an uggo! Forget the “unflattering photos”, she’s the embodiment of physical perfection wrapped in a chocolate shell. I think Jay-Z had her genetically engineered in a lab somewhere. She’s just too perfect, if you catch my drift…

8)  Her secrets are horrifying. I don’t know what they are exactly, but the bigger the celebrity, the bigger the skeletons in their closet. She must have a whole bone yard in there…

9)  She’s as money hungry as that husband of hers. She once performed a t a New Year’s bash for  Hannibal Gaddafi, son of the Libyan dictator – for a reported $2 million fee. Of course, her hubby Jay-Z and many others were there too, but none of them needed the money, so what gives? This may be old news, but there is no statute of limitations on stupidity inspired by greed.

10)  She has the worst PR team this side of Lindsay Lohan’s camp. Seriously, if she can afford million-dollar earrings surely she can afford to hire a group of professionals, not a bunch of asshats who can’t even shield her from the smallest of disasters.

And that’s it.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to return to being someone who actually has a life and doesn’t give a damn about Beyoncé…

I suggest you do the same. After you read this , of course.

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