I’m back, folks! On a semi-regular basis, that is. Enjoy.
You know my philosophy, folks, embrace the terrible.
Here are some catastrophes I look forward to in the next twelve months:
1) More Kim Kardashian/Kanye West hijinks. Somehow I doubt that reproducing is going to inspire the First Couple of Drama to evolve in any way.
2) LiLo’s inevitable fate. Lindsay is either going to wind up on her back doing porn or on her back in the morgue. Sad but true. One course correction could change everything, but what are the odds she’s willing to take the high road and be that Golden Girl of Hollywood people were predicting she would be a few years ago?
3) The bacon shortage. I pray this one is empty hyperbole, but experts are still claiming we can expect a shortage and a major bump in price for a breakfast staple that has seen a major surge in popularity in the past year.
4) People that think saying “Thank you” is a sufficient substitute for an actual gratuity. I hate these people. Yes, some of them mean well, but they suck, plain and simple.
5) More Honey Boo Boo. If you haven’t seen this televised spectacle that qualifies as child abuse in my book, KEEP IT THAT WAY! Trust me, you’ll want to gouge your eyes out with a spork…
6) The next wave of reality show madness. What’s next? Real Bellmen of Niagara Falls? Hey, wait a minute…
7) The ongoing showdown between the NRA and the rest of the United States of America. I’m not politically-minded, but even I know this issue boils down to one simple fact: there are too many military-issue guns in America and innocents are paying the price. Period.
8) The next hit from Psy. You know its coming. Even if it doesn’t generate the numbers of his last one – I refuse to type those words this year – you know the initial surge will be strong.
9) More Bieber spin-offs. We’ve had the cologne, bedding, etc. What’s next? Bieber brand condoms? Like the ones his mom should have used, maybe?
10) Overblown media coverage of… well, any major event, really. I love the media, I really do. But networks like CNN have a knack for transforming a bee sting into “The Killer Swarm of 2013!” We need to demand competent coverage of valid events, people. Enough with the hysteria!
11) My daughter’s continued evolution. My little girl is growing up. It sucks. Hey, my blog, my rules.
12) More rejection letters/e-mails from publishers and agents. Oh wait a minute, this one is Hook-specific….
13) All the mistakes we’re going to make this year. And yes, there will be millions of them.
Happy 2013! (Photo credit: Roel)
CHECK THIS OUT, FOLKS!
Jessica Stilwell started out as the face of fed-up and put-upon mothers everywhere – you can read an abridged version of her story here – but she’s come a long way, baby! You get bonus points if you got that reference, by the way.
At any rate, check out her blog, Crazy Working Mom: Diary of a mother on the brink of snapping!
Jessica is discovering her “writing voice”, one that extends beyond the scope of her first adventure. Personally, I’m enjoying watching her metamorphosis. I think you will too.
My daughter is so outraged about Kim Kardashian’s pregnancy that my granddaughters can’t get her to stop talking about it. It is indeed a terrible thing. As for my country’s gun problem, my New Year’s resolution is to work for passing legislation to stop the sale of assault-style weapons and large clips of ammo. It’s a baby step but vehemently opposed by a strong gun lobby and millions of gun nuts. What can I say? It’s a crazy country.
It’s a crazy world.
Overblown media coverage?!?! What do you mean? There isn’t ENOUGH media coverage! We don’t have enough grim details from the latest tragedy. We don’t know precisely what color Kim K’s poop was. We don’t have enough journalists and paparazzi dying in the line of duty.
I stand corrected.
You certainly do. Unless you’re sitting. Then you sit corrected. Doesn’t have the same ring, does it?
I think your predictions could be dead on! Except for the rejections! No one wants to think that will happen.
Happy 2013 Hook!
Happy 2013, Susie!
Hey! Welcome back and happy new year! I didn’t even know who psy was til last week and honey boo boo was til last month when I saw her flossing her teeth with a piece of spaghetti. Oooh classy! Life was so much better not knowing.
Sorry to have opened your eyes to some of the world’s greatest horrors…
You and my nieces and nephews…I can’t thank you all enough…Leah.
YAAAY!
>On a semi-regular basis, that is.
- Once in a way is better than …. the highway!
Wait. That doesn’t make sense.
Then again, I don’t make sense when I’m happy! Actually, I kinda do. I make utter NONsense when I’m happy. And I’m happy you’re back!
I hadn’t taken this site of yours off my RSS list because I wanted to write a grateful eulogy, know what I’m sayin’?. Well, I’ll gladly bury THAT! My intention to eulogise, not your site.
Kate
P.S.: I know you’ve actually written something in this post, but what could possibly be better than this:
>I’m back, folks!
- WELCOME BACK, HOOK!
Thanks, Kate! You rock!
I would totally watch the real bellman of niagra falls. But only If I can somehow get a guest appearance
If it ever happens, you got it!
6. would be a smasheroonie!
It would indeed!
I agree with ginger – smasheroonie – the bellman chronicles of niagra falls … Lindsey on her back – yeah ya got that one – And – hey – who knows – maybe it’ll be the reality show of the rejected bellman of the falls … I think you’re dead on with these too and a very happy New Year to you and your family -
And to you, Bob! Thanks for the all the support!
Always have support on my end. Looking forward to visiting the falls with my son in the summer this year. Just make sure I get your deets roblee59@optonline.net Thanks
Does the bellman chronicles keep going on or does he go into recluse and start serving some horror movie where every person that sent a rejection meets up with the Psycho Norman Bates that came back to life as the Bellman of Niagara Falls – damn – you’ve just got too much good shit that can’t be denied – Be like the Colonel Sanders of Kentucky Fried Chicken – go for that thousandth person that finally approves this way you have the rich & unknown – or rich & known.
I so would have to set my DVR to record #6… now that’s something I wouldn’t want to miss !!!
Thanks!