The Hook has zero interest in soccer, much less the 2012 European Championship.
So you can imagine what the last few days have been like for me.
UEFA Euro 2012 logo (Photo credit: rafizeldi)
Did I mention I work with a lot – to say the least – of Italians?
Yes, life is great when you’re surrounded by Alpha males and you have zero interest in sports…
Posted in Humor, Life, Postaweek2012, Social Commentary, Television, Terrible Things, Uncategorized
Tagged alpha males, espn, euro 2012, Soccer, sports, UEFA Euro 2012
If Howard Stern is truly the King of All Media, this clan is its Royal Family.
Seriously, their actions currently determine the course of most media sites, magazines, paparazzi, etc. Even Oprah recently tried to raise the fortunes of her failing network by airing a special “in-depth, probing” series of interviews with the First Family of Dysfunction.
Of course, the sisters only showed up because they thought they were actually going to be probed, but that is neither here not there….
Just take a look at my blog stats for June 14 and let me know if you spot a pattern:
| Search | Views |
|---|---|
| kanye west kim kardashian | 277 |
| kim kardashian kanye | 262 |
| kanye west and kim kardashian | 229 |
| kanye west kim kardashian photo | 99 |
| kim kardashian and kanye | 78 |
| kim kardashian naked | 74 |
| kanye tweets naked pic of kim kardashian | 37 |
| kanye west & kim kardashian | 33 |
| kim kardashian kanye west photo | 29 |
| kanye west kim kardashian picture | 29 |
| miley cyrus no clothes | 19 |
| kim kardashian kanye pic | 19 |
| kanye west kim kardashian pic | 13 |
| kim kardashian no clothes | 12 |
| kanye kim kardashian | 12 |
| kanye west pictures with kim kardashian | 9 |
| kim k and kanye west | 9 |
| charlie sheen rolling stone | 8 |
| kanye west photo kim kardashian | 6 |
| kanye west pic of kim kardashian | 6 |
| kanye west and kim k | 6 |
| kanye west kim kardashian pictures | 5 |
| kim kardashian kanye west picture | 5 |
| Other search terms | 1,220 |
| Unknown search terms | 879 |
| Total search terms | 2,496 |
Personally, I think was the moment I truly feared for the future….
There are literally millions of worthy role models walking this planet that our children can safely follow – that goes for us grown-ups as well – but we have allowed the media to inundate our brains with these bottom feeder celebrities. We should never forget just how we first became familiar with these hosebags in the first place:
What else is there to say? They’re everywhere these days, and until the public says otherwise, they won’t be returning to whatever God forsaken rock they slithered out from under any time soon.
Posted in Entertainment, Humor, Life, Postaweek2012, Reality TV, Social Commentary, Television, Terrible Things, Uncategorized
Tagged Entertainment, Howard Stern, Kanye West, kanye west kim kardashian, Keeping Up with the Kardashians, Kim Kardashian, kim kardashian kanye, Oprah, OWN: The Oprah Winfrey Network, Reality television
My kitchen: Friday, June 15, 9:07 P.M.
The family is gathered in the kitchen – as per usual – each occupied with their own activities:
But one thing has attracted drawn us together: television coverage of the circus that has overtaken our humble city… And street. Seriously, cars have lined our street and every nook and cranny in-between. Over 100,000 people have descended upon Niagara Falls to watch a man overcome a number of obstacles that would only have occurred in my little home. I’ll get to those in a minute.
For now, here’s the skinny: if all goes as planned Nik Wallenda will make history during a walk scheduled for 10:20 p.m. ET, as he crosses from the American side to the Canadian side of the falls on a 500-metre wire suspended 60 metres above one of God’s most awesome creations.
Next to my wife, that is.
At any rate, here’s a very brief breakdown of a few of the pitfalls Wallenda has already overcome:
I’ve barely scratched the surface, but you get the idea, I’m sure. Its 9:39 P.M and I have to sign-off; its been a looong day.
Regardless of what happens, Nik Wallenda has already earned himself a spot in history. know I’ll never forget all the hoopla he brought with him…
A North Georgia chapter of the Ku Klux Klan has applied to “adopt” a stretch of highway in Union County, Georgia,
Seriously.
I know I’m not the only one losing his mind over this… Seriously, my frontal lobe is under siege at the moment. The KKK is the closest thing this world has to a super-villain team and they want to be recognized as a run-of-the mill community group?
Just look at this shot and tell me you don’t think of a superhero movie or comic:
Three Ku Klux Klan members standing beside automobile driven by Klan members at a Ku Klux Klan parade through counties in Northern Virginia bordering on the District of Columbia (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
This group just seems.. unreal to me. Every facet of their existence burns through me, right to the core.
If the Georgia Department of Transportation accepts the application (I’ll kill them all!) AND the KKK would be responsible for cleaning litter on a part of Georgia State Route 515 in the Appalachian Mountains near the North Carolina border.
“All we want to do is adopt a highway,” said April Chambers, the chapter’s secretary. “We’re not doing it for publicity. We’re doing it to keep the mountains beautiful. People throwing trash out on the side of the road … that ain’t right.”
Incidentally, was this chick hard up for work or what?
At any rate, here’s another gem from Miss Chambers: “We’re not racists. We just want to be with white people. If that’s a crime, then I don’t know. It’s all right to be black and Latino and proud, but you can’t be white and proud. I don’t understand it.”
I share your confusion, you poor, deluded, woman…. But for completely different reasons, of course.
Ku Klux Klan (Photo credit: Paul Lowry)
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Well, this was inevitable.
After a helluva wild ride – complete with porn stars and drugs, ‘natch – Mr. Sheen is trying to recent his past declarations and stunts. He tells Rolling Stone:
“Clearly, a guy gets fired, his relationships are in the toilet, he’s off on some f****** tour, there’s nothing ‘winning’ about any of that. I mean, how does a guy who’s obviously quicksanded, how does he consider any of it a victory? I was in total denial.”
He even refuses to admit how difficult it is to stay sober….
“I mean, the s*** works. Sorry, but it works. Anyway, I don’t see what’s wrong with a few drinks. What’s your drink? Tequila? Mine’s vodka. Straight, because I’ve always said that ice is for injuries, ha ha.”
Really, Charlie? That’s the best you got? You have Tiger Blood running through those well-used veins, but you’re not man enough to stand by your actions and the ginormous PR mess they created?
Just say something like, “Yes, I can be an ass sometimes, but you know what? Its my life to mess up… So there!”
Personally, I’d give Charlie my respect once again if he came clean. But that’s just me.
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First The Book of Awesome was responsible for overloading my artificial joy receptors, now I’ve become aware of another “happy, happy, joy, joy” menace on the horizon….
The Care Bears are back.
Just let that sink in for a moment…
Meet the Care Bears (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
Care Bears: Welcome to Care-a-Lot introduces the likes of Tenderheart Bear, Share Bear, Cheer Bear and a whole batch of other “sugary-sweet menaces” to a whole new generation of children just waiting to hug a TV in approval.
I want kids to go out and hug a tree – though not literally – rather than embrace the TV and become little “Ambassadors of Awesome”. The world is a harsh, unfeeling place at times; why do we have to put up with crap like this on top of every other modern plague Fate has unleashed recently?
Hasn’t the world suffered enough at the manicured hands of the Kardashians?
Just shoot me now, I beg of you….
So I’m sitting at my desk in the hotel lobby when the blissful, all-too-brief silence is broken by the wail of a mewling babe.
But not a babe of this variety…
Single-highhandedly responsible for a spike in Vaseline sales: Ms. Kayden Kross!
or this type…
One hot tamale: Carmen Luvana!
What the hell was I writing about? Oh yeah, this was the type of babe I had to deal with…
I don’t know who this rugrat is.. And I don’t care!
Toddlers don’t realize how good they have it. They don’t do any of the following:
Of course I’ve missed a million or so additional injustices where babies are concerned, but you get the picture, right? We’ve let these little brats get away with sponging off the fruits of our labor for too long!
If only I could get someone to wheel me around all day like I don’t have a care in the world; that would be sweet…
Posted in Humor, Life, Postaweek2012, Social Commentary, Terrible Things
Tagged Babies, Carmen Luvana, crying babies, Kayden Kross
A Not-So-Terrible Thing: The Bellman Chronicles Is “Live”.
OCTOBER 22, 2010:
After much consideration and with tremendous trepidation, The Hook launches his first blog, You’ve Been Hooked!, and joins the ranks of the WordPress community. A second blog (this one!) , soon follows.
My life would never be the same. Seriously.
JUNE 28, 2012:
After even more work – and more than a few hiccups along the way – The Hook decides to expand his horizons and publish his first book, The Bellman Chronicles. With the help of his friends, family, and the geniuses at CreateSpace – not to mention a little luck – that book has finally been completed.
A dream has become reality.
Here’s a quick description of my literary “masterpiece:
I know what you’re thinking, “What is this? Does it have any hunky, brooding vampires?”
The Bellman Chronicles is a collection of tales featuring…
TERRIBLE PEOPLE:
Douchebags who think Grandma’s wheelchair is a suitable substitute for a luggage cart.
Crazy cougars who think the term “full-service hotel” means the security officer will sleep with you – while your husband watches.
Guests who bring animals with them: a deer strapped to their RV – which they park next to the kitchen entrance of the hotel’s restaurant.
TERRIBLE THINGS:
Getting caught daydreaming while your spouse “shares her feelings.”
Spilling your morning coffee.
Hairless cats.
So if you think your life sucks, take some of that money you were going to spend on Red Bull and smokes and read about someone who is REALLY suffering, namely yours truly.
You can call me The Hook.
Now, at last, you can visit my CreateSpace e-store and order The Bellman Chronicles. If you are so inclined, the Amazon.com version, Kindle edition and other channels will be open within 5 to 7 days.
Again, thank you to everyone who helped make this dream a reality. Now the real battle begins, convincing millions of readers to put down their copies of Twilight, The Hunger Games and Fifty Shades of Grey and give my “work” a chance!
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Posted in Humor, Life, Postaweek2012, Social Commentary, Terrible Things, Uncategorized
Tagged Amazon.com, Hunger Games, literature, The Bellman Chronicles, travel, Twilight, vacation, Wordpress