I sear, sometimes these posts write themselves.
Tired of the crushing guilt that accompanies a dinner consisting of a 7-Eleven hot dog and a bag of Doritos washed down with a brain-freezing beverage best known for its weird colors, wild tastes and wacky name?
Then try a Slurpee Lite, you fat, ignorant bastard!
Slurpee Lite will target females in their 20s with this tagline: “All flavor. No sugar.” They forgot, “No brains.” At any rate, an 8-ounce Slurpee Lite Fanta Sugar-Free Mango – what a mouthful – has 20 calories vs. 66 calories in an 8-ounce Fanta Wild Cherry Slurpee drink, the best-selling conventional Slurpee.
Yes, 7-Eleven, the nation’s largest convenience chain with the most depressed employees on Earth, will introduce a low-cal line of Slurpees into an already messed-up world, starting this summer. Accordingly, I intend to announce this summer as the “Season The World Officially Went To Hell – But With less Calories!”
Has quite the ring to it, doesn’t it?
Related articles
- {Heads Up} Free Slurpee at 7-Eleven (forthemommas.com)
- 7-11 Rolls Out “Slurpee Lite” Nationwide (patspapers.com)
- Diet Slurpees for Women: For When You Hate Being Fat but Love Icy Diarrhea [Food] (jezebel.com)
The slogan has a nice bumper sticker ring to it!
I thought so!
I think if you’re really worried about your calorie intake then you wouldn’t be consuming a Slurpee of any kind. But what do I know?
Hey, you know plenty!
Made me laugh, thanks!
That’s what I’m here for!
This entire product hurts my brain. I have no idea who this is supposed to be marketed to. I agree with ‘twindaddy’, I have a feeling if you are health conscious you probably do not frequent the 7-11.
Then you’re not their target demographic…
Too funny! What’s next? Sugar-free cotton candy?
Who knows, Susie? The madness never ends…
Watch it, Hook. I happen to like an occasional Slurpee … especially after a long day in the park. And I don’t care how many calories it has … why spoil the fun?
If I am going to drink a Slurpee, I want the real deal!
I hear you…
Some foods are meant to be consumed in all their calorie ridden glory. And I agree with the most depressed employees, the 7-11s I’ve seen here are the same…
I believe you!
Slurpees give me a headache.. or I guess brain freeze, but don’t you know that in today’s time.. we are supposed to be skinny rails and everything is suppose to be low-cal… even if it tastes like crappola lol
Well said, young lady!
“Let 7-Eleven beat us in the game of ‘Season The World Officially Went To Hell – But With less Calories!™’ He…..ck no!” thunders the Big Daddy of ‘em all.
Look at what they’re planning to unleash on the other side of the pond!
http://news.sky.com/home/uk-news/article/16224611
Oh, in case you OD on the sugar loaded data, I’ll keep it short and sweet with a few selective lines from the article.
“The fast-food chain says the new drink, called ‘Fruitizz’, will count as one of a child’s five fruit or vegetables a day.”
Hey, that’s a nice way to sneak in a one of the Five A Day, me thinks.
“A 500ml serving of the drink contains 200 calories and 49g of sugar – over 57% of a child’s recommended daily amount.”
Or not.
Let the war of ‘Will Beat You To Hell – With More Calories, Too!’ begin!
Kate
P.S.: Thanks for the laffs, Hook.
P.P.S.: I enjoy the liquid poison because it does taste nice. But that’s seldom because I know it’s not what I want to subject my body to.
yes, you definitely deserve better than a Slurpee, Kate!
It never ceases to amaze me that people think such horrible meals can somehow be counteracted by choosing sugar-free beverages.
People are awesome, right?
LOL!!! It’s like when someone orders a huge meal from a fast food joint and wants a diet-beverage.
But then again, diet-beverages do have more bubbles.
So maybe these “diet” ones have better flavours.
I just wish that the 7-11′s we have here in the big cities had slurpees.
I’m sure you get your share of sweet stuff, Woman!
I know I’m not supposed to like this, or be jealous that 7-11 isn’t offering this my Australia yet. Sigh.
That’s okay! You’re allowed to feel any way you like!
On the other hand… being diabetic, these low-cal options are right up my alley. We diabetics get bored with the normal, boring offerings we have to drink and on a hot day, there’s nothing more I love than a frozen beverage. I loved the real deal slurpee’s prior to my diagnosis, could be one of the causes of my diagnosis… anyway, I just wish they had some other flavors, I hate Mango
I love your point of view; thanks bringing some balance to this equation!
I don’t know that stuff at all,but to me sounds like something very unnatural.Nothing like a good black beer..
I think you’re right.. And I don’t even drink!