#171: The Devolution of the Sex Symbol.

We should all be ashamed of ourselves.

We need to expect more from the people we lust after and adore.

Once upon a time, being a sex symbol meant something; it was a true acknowledgment of one’s attractiveness to the world at-large. If you found yourself to be so blessed as to be elevated to this pinnacle of humanity, you had to conduct yourself accordingly.

Not these days. Just look at where we used to be and where we’ve wound up…

RITA HAYWORTH. Go hit Wikipedia, kids!

A “Classy” Megan Fox pose…

But that’s not what we’re used to, is it? How about this one instead…

I LOVE THE INTERNET…

Can you imagine Rita Hayworth selling Converse Chuck Taylor All Star Canvas High Top White Sneakers – had they existed in the 1940s, that is – in such a “reserved”  (Gotta love sarcasm, right?) manner? What about a little something closer to the here and now; Farrah Fawcett‘s classic poster…

And Christina Applegate‘s entry to the annals of poster history, circa her Married With Children days…

To her credit, Applegate has always managed to keep her image clean, something most teenage boys could never say of their copies of this poster! There have always been sex symbols willing to display a harder edge. Just look at Jane Russell  - she got your Grandpa’s motor racin’ in the 1940s and 1950s, kids – and her “bad girl” look…

 I HAVE TO ADMIT, SHE SCARES ME A LITTLE…

 And finally, the person most responsible for the devolution of the term “sex symbol” in our modern-age…

 KIM KARDASHIAN’S LATE FATHER HAS TO HAVE SPUN HIMSELF OUT OF HIS GRAVE BY NOW!

 One could argue the modern media is to blame for our current climate of  low standards of public image for female personalities, although the paparazzi existed in the Golden Age of Hollywood and you still didn’t see the same level of promiscuity in ads and posters, etc. 

No, we’ve become hungry for lewd images and incredibly lax standards for advertisers. Our willingness to sit idly by – and in some cases, encourage this behavior by buying the resulting products – has resulted in a modern-day sex symbol who is both mainstream and fringe all at once. Kim Kardashian and her douchebag predecessor Paris Hilton have both used sex tapes as marketing tools, successfully so.

I just wish we had kept softcore porn and the mainstream world separated, just as they used to be. There have always been other avenues open to those souls hungry to satisfy their lustful urges. In my day, it was the Sports illustrated Swimsuit Edition, your Mom’s Cosmo or the Sears catalogue. Nowadays kids can surf the web from the comfort of their room  (Of course, the door doesn’t lock, but you can’t have everything, right?) and cut right to the chase.

And that’s my point – finally – sex symbols used to leave you wanting more. Now? I can see Kim Kardashian engaged in full-blown – pun intended – porno mode.

In closing, I’d like to publicly say that I’m more than a little afraid of what the future is going to hold for sex symbols everywhere. The days of seduction and class are loooong gone.

I don’t know what tomorrow holds, but it’s a safe bet it’ll be x-rated.

#172: LEGO Friends: A Terrible Thing or A Non-issue?

LEGO has been around longer than Kim Kardashian but critics are suggesting the company is doing more damage to little girls’ minds than the nuptially-challenged, sex-tape-making reality star.

Seriously? Is that even possible?

IF THIS OFFENDS YOU.. GOOD! IT SHOULD! OUR DAUGHTERS LOOK UP TO THIS HOSEBAG!

Here’s the problem in a nutshell..

• 1932: Ole Kirk Christiansen, a toy maker from Billund, Denmark sets out to entertain children everywhere – and to avoid starvation.
• 1934:  his company comes to be called “LEGO”, from the Danish phrase leg godt, which means “play-well”.
• 1947:  The company expanded to producing plastic toys
• 1949: Lego began producing the now famous interlocking bricks, calling them “Automatic Binding Bricks”. These bricks were based largely on the patent of Kiddicraft Self-Locking Bricks, which were released in the United Kingdom in 1947. No wonder I’ve never heard of Kiddicraft. Beware of imitators kids; if they can up the ante on you, you’re dead!

Fast forward to the here and now – I’m skipping A LOT I know, but we have to get to the point sometime – and the world has changed. As a company LEGO is a powerhouse; largely due to their Star Wars playsets. But they’ve always been missing a MAJOR segment of the market.

Namely, those with two “X” chromosomes.

 A petition on the website Change.org, started by Bailey Shoemaker Richards and Stephanie Cole of the SPARK Movement, a girl-fueled activist movement to demand an end to the sexualization of women and girls in media, condemned the sets and claimed that LEGO was “selling out to girls.” So far more than 36,000 people have signed the petition.

Selling out? How does a company sellout? They’re in business to make money, people!

I understand the concerns being voiced here

• LEGO Friends features five revamped Lego figurines – complete with budding bosoms and online personalities.

• The playsets include an inventor’s workshop and a design school alongside a bakery and a pool, something critics suggest give in to gender stereotypes and aren’t as construction focused.

• Half the fun of LEGO is the construction phase, which kids fully control – you can build ANYTHING your mind can conceive – but the new sets feature pre-assembled components.

This entire situation may indeed be a non-issue; how much  harm can these toys do compared to “role models” like Kardashian and her brain-damaged family?  Then again, I’m hardly qualified to assess the long-term effects, if any, of these toys.

Approaching this issue as a male, I can only offer views based on my own experiences; I spent hours playing with LEGO but that’s because I had to actually build my creations! Kids – regardless of gender – need constant mental stimulation and LEGO can provide that.

Old school LEGO, that is.

 Related articles

• Hey Anti-Lego Feminists, Lego For Girls Actually Kicks Ass (gizmodo.com.au)
• Are the New LEGO Friends for Girls Sexist? (inhabitat.com)
• Lego Marvel makes minifigs of The Avengers movie (pocket-lint.com)

#173: When We Ask The Question, “Who Watches The Watchmen?” Far Too Late…

In my house, animals rule.

Quite literally. Our dogs rule the roost; and we’ll never change that.

And so my wife and I were horrified by the following tale of neglect and inhuman cruelty to those who cannot speak for themselves. Read the following and tell me you don’t feel disgusted and a little ashamed to be part of the human race.

A report describing “horrific” animal cruelty at the SPCA of Niagara – the American side – shelter was released today by the SPCA Serving Erie County. “Horrific” barely scratches the surface, though….

Animals that are not adopted within a certain period have to be put down. That is an indisputable reality in animal shelters. But another reality is this: animals deserve to be treated with love and respect, as do all living things. A routine evaluation of the Erie County SPCA uncovered a den of incompetence and cowardice. One that ignores the basic rules of civilized society.

“Animals were given a shot, which I’m sure hurt, and that caused them to throw up…and then they couldn’t move,” said Barbara S. Carr, who conducted the three-week investigation.

“They were injected directly into the heart. This is excruciatingly painful,” she said, fighting back tears as she described the conditions to reporters.

The 115-page report stated there were no standard operating procedures for animal care, sanitation or euthanasia, and that some pets were euthanized in an especially cruel manner.

Especially cruel? Fictional serial killer Dexter Morgan kills his victims in the same manner. I’m not trying to be flippant; it’s true. These creatures were fully aware of their pain. Can you imagine enduring such agony?

“Clearly the governing and management of the shelter needs to be greatly improved,” said Carr, executive director of the SPCA Serving Erie County. “There is blame to go everyplace.” Hell of an understatement, right?

Carr confirmed allegations by staff members that nearly 600 cats and dogs, some of them healthy, had been euthanized since Oct. 1.

She struggled to hold back tears when describing how some were killed with “heart sticks,” an intercardiac injection she said was banned in some states.

Pets are generally euthanized intravenously, Carr said.

Executive Director John A. Faso was not aware of proper euthanization practices, Carr said, and presided over a disorganized operation that created a “chaotic environment. “There is no sense of structure at the NCSPCA,” her report stated. The board is “admittedly dysfunctional,” the report stated, and “should consider a complete restructure.”

Carr said it was difficult to prove whether SPCA officials were incompetent or negligent in their handling of the animals.

“I didn’t feel any evil people when I went in there,” she said, adding that some staff members “want to do the right thing.”

She felt “no evil”? How is that remotely possible? I wish I knew what to say about all of this…

I have no words that do this situation justice. I can’t fathom the agony these animals felt. Ironically, this tale of cruelty should fill me with
compassion, but it makes me angry beyond belief.

I hate feeling this way. I may write The Book of Terrible, but I want to feel joy at being a part of this wonderful world, not shame and rage.

#174: When Our Kids Put Us Behind The Eight Ball…

Image via Wikipedia

HOOK’S NOTE: This one comes to us courtesy of my daughter, who is very passionate about the issue of bullying.

I couldn’t be prouder to be the father of  a 13-year-old who cares about the state of the world and not just who Kim Kardashian is jumping on this week.

So let’s get to it, shall we?

Michael Palomino, who has been a Chicago sheriff’s deputy for 30 years, is living every father’s nightmare; he has found himself torn between his vow of honor to the justice system and his love for his child.

No matter what this father did, he was going to lose.

Palomino turned his teenage son over to the police after he was seen as part of a mob in a video beating and robbing a fellow 17-year-old. Palomino now believes that the legal system is treating his son too harshly.

The boy was seen in a YouTube video stomping, punching and slamming another boy to the ground, along with six other teens. All of the attackers covered their faces with hoods or masks during the attack, except Palomino.

In the video the six cowards are seen beating and robbing an Asian teenager in an alley behind a Chicago elementary school. They shout profanities and racial epithets while he is kicked and punched. The video received close to half a million views, and relatives of the 17-year-old who saw the clip informed the teenager’s dad.

Despite an obvious internal struggle, he did the right thing.

“As soon as I saw the video I had to call 911, t he police department. I did what was right as a parent … I am in law enforcement myself. The right thing was to turn him in.”

While he doesn’t regret his decision, he says the consequences for his son’s behavior are too harsh.

Police have charged Raymond Palomino, 17, as an adult with one count of robbery and one count of aggravated battery. Three 16-year-old boys, three 15-year-old boys and one 15-year-old girl have also been charged as juveniles in connection to the case. Authorities are not releasing their names because they are minors, and they have been turned over to a juvenile detention center.

“They are trying to make him look like he is the aggressor in the whole video, and he is not. He is 17 and they are trying to make an example of him,” Michael Palomino told ABC News.

Police are steadfast in their position, which of course, they should be.

“This is very clearly mob type of behavior. They get a lot of courage when its six or seven beating up one person. And this just isn’t tolerable,” Chicago Police Supt. Garry McCarthy said.

Raymond Palomino is being held on a $100,000 bond. The attorney for Raymond Palomino has started a fund to help raise his $100,000 bail. I really can’t see too many people forking over cash for this cause, but you never know, right?

During a court appearance Monday, Judge Sandra Ramos refused Palomino’s lawyers’ request to drop the bond, and denied a request to release Palomino on electronic monitoring, according to ABC News affiliate WLS-TV.

Palomino told ABC News when he went to visit his son in jail, Raymond told him he did the right thing in turning him in.

Can you imagine how that conversation went?

Related articles

• 8th Teen Charged In Beating Posted On YouTube (chicago.cbslocal.com)
• Judge Won’t Lower Bond For Teen Charged In YouTube Beating (chicago.cbslocal.com)
• Chicago Teens Charged in Brutal Beating That Went Viral (newsfeed.time.com)

#175: People Who Kick The Hornet’s Nest Deliberately!

Image via Wikipedia

I’m talking to you, George Takei.

I can understand your desire to use your celebrity status to do more than appear on The Big Bang Theory in Howard’s sex dreams (Seriously, check the episode out!) but do you have to mess with Disney?

It’s like the Federation taking on the Klingons – the entire empire – with one phaser!

For those of you who have no idea what I’m referring to – George’s problem with Disney, not the Star Trek reference – here’s the deal in a nutshell..

Recently on his Facebook page, George posted the following graphic about another wildly successful franchise, the Disney Princesses:

Mr. Sulu views the Disney Princesses as a threat to little girls’ power and self-respect. He’s entitled to his opinion but by voicing it publicly he’s disturbed a hornet’s nest when there was really no need.

Seriously, George?

I mean, at this very moment a battle is being fought against the SOPA and PIPA antipiracy bills. Why don’t you devote all your energies to winning that fight?

Do you really need to INVENT a war to fight?

FOCUS ON ENTERTAINING US, GEORGE!

 Just remember George… THEY’RE CARTOONS!!!

It’s up to parents to educate their children, not The Walt Disney Company. They can create a fictional universe to their standards if they so choose. You want to impact the world in a positive  way? Stop working for Howard Stern…

#176: DC Comics “New Coke” Approach To Their Logo!

 

First they overhauled their entire universe and launched the “New 52″.

This has actually worked out – so far – and sales are very  healthy so enough said.

Now however, they’ve redesigned their company logo and set off a division in their fan base.

I can see what they’re going for here; there’s a Watchmen inspired logo and  Green Lantern emerald power logo but the rest have me stumped. Still, it’s their company, they can do what they like with their logo. I just hope they don’t pull a “New Coke” and piss off their fans before returning to the status quo a few months later.

Image via Wikipedia

 

 Take a close look at the DC logos below: you can see a smooth evolution between designs through the years, something that is now missing. The new looks suggest the “D” is peeling back from the funky “C”.

Some observers are suggesting the new logos are symbolic of a regime change at the comic book giant, I hope this isn’t the case; company politics shouldn’t spill over to the finished product… ever. Parent company Warner Bros. may be sending a message to their #1 competitor, Marvel Comics owners Disney.

If the boys in suits want Bugs Bunny and Mickey Mouse want to duke it out, fine. Just keep it in the funny pages, won’t you, boys?

Other observers are suggesting someone simply fell asleep at the switch and forgot that a comic book company’s logo should reflect their fun and creative attitude.

Personally, I love this one…

 

 

 

 

Related articles

• DC Comics New Logo (geekxlovin.wordpress.com)
• DC’s New Logo…and just how badly is sucks (bwmedia.wordpress.com)

#177: Paula Deen’s Desire To Kill Americans One Dish A Time!

 HOOK’S NOTE: I want to thank the lovely Breezyk at The Camel Life for inspiring this latest rant.

 

Before we go any further, please remember I’m out to make you laugh.

That having been said, what the hell is wrong with chef Paula Deen?

 Even a diagnosis of Type 2 diabetes hasn’t touched America’s “sweetest chef” from sticking to her regiment of deep-fried, buttery and sugary dishes designed to make peoople all over the world look like they’re extras in WALL-E!

She’s still preaching “everything in moderation,” presumably even her famous Lady’s Brunch Burger, a bacon-and-fried egg hamburger with two glazed doughnuts as buns!

Image by Marshall Astor - Food Fetishist via Flickr

The 65-year-old TV star from Savannah, Ga. – where they love to eat -  hid her diabetes for three years while shoving fatty, salty, Southern comfort food down America’s collective throat. 

She has become a force of Nature – but an unnatural one, if that makes any sense.

• Eight million people have bought her 14 cookbooks.
• Millions watch her cooking show.

People can make a conscious decision to avoid her creations, right? But people are lemmings willing to buy into the dog and pony show this Southern belle rolls out everyday on TV.

Personally, I love to eat. Who doesn’t, right? 

BUT I KNOW MY LIMITS! AND I DON’T EVEN HAVE DIABETES!

 

 

Image via Wikipedia

 There are a million things wrong with this picture, but I don’t even know where to begin…

#178: Mark Wahlberg!

I know what you’re thinking right now.

“But Hook, the former Marky Mark is a talented actor and enlightened human being. What is he doing on a list of Terrible Things?” Well, I’ll tell you. This goofball – and he is a goofball, trust me – needs to engage the “safety” on the lethal weapon he calls a mouth.

“If I was on that plane with my kids, it wouldn’t have went down like it did. There would have been a lot of blood in that first-class cabin and then me saying, ‘OK, we’re going to land somewhere safely, don’t worry.’”

“Witless Wahlberg” made the comments to an interviewer for Men’s Journal. When you consider the passengers on another hijacked jetliner — United Flight 93 — did indeed rise up against the terrorists, sacrificing their own lives and crash-landing near Shanksville, Pa., you have to really wonder just why Wahlberg’s people allow him to skip his meds before speaking in public.

Of course, he’s in full damage control mode now.

“I deeply apologize to the families of the victims that my answer came off as insensitive, it was certainly not my intention.” He added: “To suggest I would have done anything differently than the passengers on that plane was irresponsible.”

Irresponsible? That’s one way of putting it. Wahlberg, by his own admission, has been a highly dysfunctional human being his whole life.

• Wahlberg was an addict by the age of 13.
• At 15, he harassed a group of black school children on a field trip by throwing rocks and shouting racial epithets.
• When he was 16, he approached a middle-aged Vietnamese man on the street and, using a large wooden stick, knocked him unconscious (while calling him “Vietnam fucking shit”).
•  He also attacked another Vietnamese man, leaving him permanently blind in one eye, and attacked a security guard (again using racist language)

I really don’t know what else to say, except that maybe Freedom of Speech shouldn’t apply to the brain-dead.

Image by DVIDSHUB via Flickr

Maybe this guy should have popped Marky Mark when he had the chance…

Related articles

• Marky Mark Thinks He’s an Actual Action Hero… (zwingliusredivivus.wordpress.com)
• Wahlberg Thinks He’s Badass, But He’s Actually A Knob (ken_ashford.typepad.com)
• Film: Newswire: Mark Wahlberg could have stopped 9/11, according to Mark Wahlberg (avclub.com)

#179: Fast Food: Home Delivery Style?

Have you ever heard of a King that visits his subjects’ homes?

You have now.

Apparently, the rules have changed when it comes to fast food royalty. Burger King has rolled out a home-delivery service for its signature Whoppers, fries, and other fast-food fare, starting at a handful of Washington, D.C.–area locations.

Here’s the skinny, so to speak:

• No fountain drinks, coffee or milkshakes.
• No breakfast foods.
• Delivery costs $2 an order.
• You must live within a 10-minute drive of a participating Burger King.

Image via Wikipedia

BK not only guarantees 30-minute delivery — it’s promising the Ultimate Deliver Food Delivery Service: ”Proprietary thermal packaging technology” that will keep your fries crisp and burger “hot and fresh”.

It’s a fat bastard’s dream come true.

Burger King may have lost its spot as the No. 2 U.S. burger chain to Wendy’s, (Inexplicably, McDonald’s is still comfortably No. 1.) but this new plan is the company’s “

Image via Wikipedia

savvy marketing plan to end all savvy marketing plans”. Some are already calling it “an industry changer.”

Others are screaming, “Does a nation facing an obesity epidemic really need a Burger King that delivers?”

Still others are jumping for joy. At least they would be if they could get their fat asses off their couches.

Related articles

• Couch Potato? Burger King Will Deliver – Service is being tested in the Washington, DC, area (darkerme.com)
• For $2 Burger King Will Come to You (foxbusiness.com)

#180: The Truth Behind The Rise Of “The Vampire Nation”

 Long-time readers know how I feel about the vampire craze but bear with me, this isn’t the usual “Vampires Suck” post I revel in.

Let’s talk about the true origins of the vampire phenomenon, shall we?

Yes, young girls – and not so-young girls – love watching Damon, Edward, Stefan and their ilk for their polished sexuality and the fantasy element they infuse in their otherwise humdrum lives.

But there’s more going on here people… much more. Look at the vampire legend closely…

• You become incredibly strong and agile.
• A keen sense of fashion seems to come naturally to you.
• As does good hair.
• The art of the “sullen, soulful look” becomes second nature.
• You brood – A LOT.
• You have to drain the life from the living, but that doesn’t seem to register in the brains of these awestruck vamp fans.

 Here’s the kicker, though…

YOU NEVER AGE… NOT A DAY!

 And that’s what it’s really all about, my friends. Who wouldn’t want to live forever? Sounds great on paper, right?

Some of you are skeptical, but admit it, no one wants to face the negative, inevitable aspects of the aging process.

A life of eternal youth is overflowing with the prospect of romance and adventure and so millions of squealing young girls, desperate housewives, crazy cougars, etc. are inexorably drawn to the vampire myth like rednecks to a trailer park.

Now that I’ve figured it out perhaps I can downgrade the vampire craze on my list of personal pet peeves.

Then again, maybe not. Of course. my objections would be lessened if the majority of the focus was cast in this direction…