#88: Sand in your Shoes!

It’s in your socks.

It’s between your toes.

It’s working its way around your feet with every step, and there’s nothing you can do about it! You’ve got miles to go before you can wash it away and your agony is growing with every second.

Was the beach really worth this agony?

#89: Knowing Too Much About Your Friends.

Trust is a sacred and precious thing, something to be treasured forever.

But too much trust can actually be a bad thing.

Some people open their lives, and secrets, to their friends at the drop of a hat, giving little regard to the burden they’re actually passing along.

Do you really need to know your married friends have had a threesome with another of your friends? Or they have an embarrassing health issue?

 Once you know something, you can’t unknow it!

#90: Being Stuck in Line Behind an Elderly Person at a Fast Food Restaurant.

Let me begin by acknowledging the many contributions the older generation has made to this world.

They fought, bled and even died so that future generations could waste their lives away playing video games and watching the Kardashians slowly destroy themselves!

But when it comes to ordering food at a chain operation, they are Strangers in a Strange Land.

Image via Wikipedia

Their decaying brains can’t fathom the myriad of choices available, or the concept of “super-sizing”. A world of iPADS, Wi-Fi and combos is a foreign one when you grew up in the Great Depression.

So just hold your tongue, whip out your iPhone and play with some Angry Birds, you’re going to be awhile.

#91: Feeling Out of Your Depth.

For the first time in its storied history, the United States of America is in danger of defaulting on its debts.

I know what you’re thinking, “Just what the hell does this mean?”

Don’t feel bad, most of us have no idea just what’s going on in the world… ever.

The Rupert Murdoch phone-hacking scandal? When do you have the time to figure out just why an entire army of journalists are wreaking havoc with people’s lives?

Image via Wikipedia

 

The truth is, sometimes you’re better off not knowing just what the  hell is going on.

Sometimes ignorance really is bliss.

 

#92: Muzak: Threat or Menace?

This has to be the creation of evil minds.

How else do you explain the corruption of perfectly good songs?

They take the lyrics out and hire a group of hacks to poorly replicate the music. The result makes you want to rip your ears off and track down whoever is responsible and rip their ears off!

Why hasn’t this been banned by the government? What am I paying taxes for?

#93: Post-Car Wash Disasters!

You just pulled out of the car wash after taking out a small loan to pay for the deluxe package.

 Or worse, you’ve spent an hour soaking, scrubbing and rinsing all by yourself.

Then it happens.

THEY spot you. They break formation and go into full attack mode. Within minutes, your beautiful machine is covered in bird excrement.

Commence screaming.

LOOK AWAY!

#94: Wet Socks in the Winter.

You’re arms are frozen solid and they nearly snap right off as you open the front door!

But you persevere, and as the warmth envelops you, boots are tossed off and you take those first steps to the kitchen to prepare a nice piping hot cup of cocoa, but….

YOUR FEET ARE DRIPPING WET!

You can feel the wet, sticky sensation of socks clinging to your skin, now that feeling has returned to your limbs, that is!

That’s what you get for buying your shoes at the Dollar Store!

#95: When the Donut Icing Sticks to the Inside of the Bag!

You know it’s bad for you, but you love it anyway.

However, when you open the bag your excitement morphs into horror as you realize the best part of the donut is STILL INSIDE THE BAG!

The fickle hand of Fate has bitch slapped you again.

#96: Post-Haircut Itchiness!

Image via Wikipedia

Sure you look good (hopefully!), but is it really worth it?

Never mind that a haircut these days requires a second mortgage on your house! Afterwards you’re clawing at your back, and pulling your shirt away from your irritated flesh in a vain attempt to achieve some relief.

Basically, you look like you’re break dancing after doing heavy drugs!

But it could be worse I guess.

You could be bald.

#97: Couples That Work Out Together.

They’re young, good-looking, and healthy, which means they’re going to be around to annoy you even longer!

They prance around the gym like firm peacocks, calling each other pet names like “Pookie”. It’s even worse when you spot them outside that environment, jogging or bench pressing Buicks on the street!

They suck, but even the female could kick your ass, so you can’t tell them!